I am constantly at the funeral of the present passing.
I don’t know how to weep with new expectations in mind.
the grasp of this last time I will see of it, is haunting.
life goes on anew and the past is fleeting behind that rush.
I would like time to stand still for a moment but that’s me.
the confirmation of expectations is constantly choking me.
whatever rises up to engulf, soon falls away as if in waves.
(the future is cursing inside of me but clearly asking),
where would I be,
without memory as a constant flotational reminder?
I am in a carwash of thoughts as suds yet no end in sight.
there is a motor running I can sense the rumble of it
but I don’t know what vehicle it is that I am riding in
or if this vehicle is actually only just me.
I don’t know how to make a right turn for the life of me.
everything I have to say only reflects the past.
I can’t get current for the life of me.
does anyone know how now works?
and can we get there from here?
maybe it’s that,
I only live for this outing of now . . .