care for some temperament? 2/29/20

every mood has elements of passive-aggressiveness to it.

it is the squirming birth of a feel,

the writhing and the bluntness,

initially microscopic until first evidence.

somewhere in the coarse-work of its impetus,

emotional impulse strikes a chord.

and that chord rises from within,

gaining register and definition

until in the range of felt, it registers.

its essential makeup has elements of distant past

and the currency of a now-awareness.

it surrounds itself with an internal of like kind.

the private media of self takes up the cause.

the pro-con environment is still very confidential,

but the buildup is on.

the swarm of mood is approaching.

the prejudice of perspective has orders.

feel takes on a bloom of mood.

mindfulness is still following along,

gathering an escort of justification to use.

there is the beginnings of a stockpile of language potential.

some straightforward, some with varied disguises

but neither have their talking papers.

yet presence has their uniforms on

and are standing at inward attention,

ready to serve.

the environment of person to person innocently waits.

well, maybe pretends to wait.

clues have been sent out into the mutual flow.

subtleties have been banning together without witness.

even in faintness, there is still a demand.

no, it's not a page turn

or a topic tare down,

but currents without surface have been moved along.

mood will show.

the relational environment will reflect.

the story to be read 

will be from an altogether different book

then when we were just here as such.

for it won't necessarily be the topic itself

but more importantly the grip on the words,

the tone of deliverance,

and the fallout that registers as mood.

as the feeling environment has been taken up

when nuance puts the top down

and drives around in the neighborhood of attitude.

now the journey has a driver and a passenger.

and eventually that question emerges.

where are we going (with this)?

(followed by, 

are we almost there?) . . .

self . . . love 2/28/20

self love is not appraisal 

but a generative in nature.

self love is not a noun stance.

it is the subtly of an action verb 

from within its own origin.

it is an unpronounceable evocative

which brings on a dimension of awareness.

it may present as a beehive of auric warmth,

an ability to view beyond 

what horizons present,

or as an intimacy, 

that seems to have had no beginning.

it wears life 

with an inner fervor,

occupies a palate 

that registers for many colors of feel,

and acquiesces to a deep well 

from which to draw the self of nurturance. 

it comes from a greater whole than existence,

and feeds on the lightness of being

that provides nurturance all around.

it is a conduit existence.

ever the flow

but never claiming as source.

it is a channeling of being

in the broadcast of a deeper light.

it starts out as if being on the river.

then comes to realize itself

as in the river

and eventually gains a residence as the river.

all three states then coincide.

where self then becomes the aperture

of a fluid presence ever present.

nurturance as that presence with others.

self as this love

is not isolative 

but is ever the emotion-course way of existence.

as the self anointed with the presence of love . . . 

accomplish meant (haiku) 2/27/20

what accomplish meant

when 'be' is subservient 

'do' gets the credit

broadcast of being 2/26/20

for wherever you want to go,

relative to time and space,

you can only get there

as the experiential baggage of yourself.

and what you get

for where you have gone,

is the wearage as rewards

and recollection as decals from those journeys,

as the symbology of these wanderings

that travel on as their memories do.

the journaling of you is as a suitcase of evidence.

for experience makes us all travelers,

with these recollections made of straw

as reminiscence becoming the threadbare of narratives.

we make mountains out of landfills remembered.

but we do not escape the seasons 

as observation's experiential curses and rewards.

oh, to see beyond what sight offers

and to feel beyond how felt responds.

to not have journey as a here-to-there 

and then the reframe as back again.

where experience is 

but an animation of highlighted oncoming fog

over our heads

with pinholes in it for our sensory aware 

to flood over us.

I want the life of isness

where travel is no elaboration

and living beyond experience

is my deeper means.

where the dance has no bodies of mention

but all movement is in sacred glide.

where intake is without holographic regard,

as the broadcast of being

is the journey unto itself . . .

expectation is waiting (haiku) 2/25/20

what happens till then (?)

is expectation's surmise

checklist in waiting

stage presence 2/24/20

there is no speed to light.

by the time it gets to us,

light is mundane phantasmagoric symbolic 

and rendered by elements like speed and brightness.

sensory endowed, we cogitate over it.

for information is the cuckold of our knowing.

for there is a world of 'outside-the-box' 

always in play,

as we vagrantly wander around 

in a random-to-wonder mode of response.

sensory is the ever-last audience ticket of entry.

is a quasi-why, only as rhetorical?

and we call stage presence, 

as consciousness . . .

my calling out 2/23/20

when force applied is 

personally felt as a gift,

when the inward draw is 

somewhat a forthcoming demand,

when personal interest is 

like the intimate pull of gravity,

is that when what is . . .

does itself, 

as my awareness?

so when I am a palate

looking up at the brush leaving me,

as voice,

as touch,

as thought formed,

where is the sea of us

relative to my circumstance?

I am violated

just to be a person,

when my calling out

speaks for everyone. . .

see what is me (haiku) 2/22/20

looking through clear pains

for what I come to notice 

reflects what is me

wide-eyed 2/21/20

I feel wide-eyed 

but see nothing of particular import.

maybe just an embrace of light-intake is happening.

it is a warmth without any heat,

friendly without any parts or trappings.

there is a covering

as if I was taking in a view,

but it is all feel

with nothing visually identified.

everything feels close and intimate,

a kind of serenity without known parts.

it is all out-flow,

even though it feels like intake.

the witness of myself is out of the way.

I could channel existence

as if an instrument of livingness.

nothing personal intended,

just expression of the grandeur, 

an intimacy without experience mattering,

an overwhelm of vastness,

easily expressed within a mystifying composure.

if I had to define love,

I would start here.

realizing there are no words

and the feel of it

surrenders from each person,

to be . . .

the bask of this wonder 2/20/20

the essence of experience is of a constancy

that goes past, well beyond, 

the immediacy of our mentality's ever-change.

I fall back into this mindful awareness, intermittently.  

only a sense of self 

gives its presence by this distinct clarity 

and by this means of notice 

as an edginess.

yet, when once away 

from that familiar means of attention, 

I hum with steel,

converse with water,

have intimacies with air.

as the fury of this vastness of calm 

is ever-inviting.

the mental aprons of identification's methods

tend to fall away

but still, I have come to observe

that trees are the last bastions of public honesty,

and land lives indifferently

beyond our human aberrations and indulgences.

and secretly, I have my wellness 

then recovering, 

from my indulgences beyond these observations,

from this now ever present distant viewing.

for me,

vibrational presence is its own active philosophy. 

I have to come all the way back to here,

with the trust in my heart

that I can fashion words

of these other dimensions 

that don't excuse themselves

but fluidly persist

in spite of the anomalies 

of my mental attempt at intervention.

my being there 

has no life for a 'me' at all.

for I am now only putting verbal wrapping paper

on a world that has no need for gifting,

no exchanges that search for what is already so,

beyond a confluence with us,

unto themselves,

no edginess that experience can gather in or take from.

where 'now' does not wear 

the keepsake jewelry of time

and the apparel of space.

all of the bask from this wonder, 

only anoints me,

while I have this receivership from my perception,

as sacred becomes my glimpses 

as well as my experiential excuse . . .

news (haiku) 2/19/20

news is all locust

feeding's psychological

emotions, to swarm

from gloss to gleam from glow 2/18/20

solutions of human behavior acts 

can never be because of the act itself,

that is the force feed for obvious attention,

the reprimand for appearances' sake.

the serious unmovable, inscrutable, 

is the mindset origin 

and impenetrable thoughts patterns

instilled in emotional stone.

origins from years earlier

as both the hard learning process

and the operative method of personal existence,

that is used to succeed in a self version account,

that is initially force-feed, as if it is news worthy.

it provides for all parties to become pseudo aware

but blatantly uninvolved in the healing process.

headlines pass like the use of napkins in restaurants. 

yes, there is apparent demonstrated usage

but ultimately, left on the table

when moving on from that conversational meal served.

news is meal served 

but about spices and palate intake,

not about nutrition or wellbeing going forward.

one can come to alter one's behavior, 

especially from an otherwise observable perspective

but the work of cleaning up the mindset,

personally and privately cleaning up that mindset

is not just developing the cover up

but actually emotionally working inwardly at a re-fabric.

not just a stalwart correction override

but a deep study, with self introspective, 

at a reclaim of being,

for finding a deeper truth to be directed from,

a re-weave of intention and operative means,

a self-witness inwardly in place

that now contributes to the self-directive

of conscious human behavior expressed.

that is what is necessary

but are we of a culture of that intrigue?

do we, as intimate support members,

provide for that process to be authenticated,

to be substantiated, going forward interaction-ally?

can we, from where we currently are,

become the active fabric of a culture evolving,

resourced and revitalized towards new growth and wellness?

we can only be the sounding boards 

for those with which an intimacy that already exists.

so much of first stage recovery has to start there.

it can look like innocent caring

but it requires a deeper use of awareness than just passage.

it is more than just tending, as appearances go.

there has to be a link-up of the feel.

people need the encouragement present

to go deeper within,

to go beyond the accusational moments of the past,

to look into the held and the withheld-ness,

to find the glitches and the binds of self in belief.

self-love of that depth needs support 

and a sense of human comfort.

we are all secretly in that predicament,

as the living predicament itself.

for whatever features as newsworthy-surface,

only provides an option of inward pursuit.

for whatever the behavior's offending action,

within lies, the privacy of mindset's self-damage.

we are all carriers,

some, with great discretion and heed, 

while others are out of frame from within.

their self-aware is easily suppressed

while in service to other inward demandings 

but adequately disguised needs.

recovery is always in the collective,

even though it is all self-work made evidential.

it is like a giant quilting process,

to make a quilt of consciousness,

in which everyone is a participant 

by their self-work,

contributing to the overall. 

this quilt will generate a surface, 

evident everywhere throughout the share.

maybe as the table spread

or the campsite sit down cover

but its utility is evident by participation

that brings out a culture kneaded-ness into existence

by all parties, as common practice demonstrates.

we, as a culture,

become less of the gloss 

and more-so,

the demonstration of the gleam

from this as the glow . . .

what I don't often hear 2/17/20

understanding is complete 

when actualization is beyond 

comprehension's offerings

how does think 

make up the leash laws 

for going on to talk?

whatever your future goals

your rearview mirror of experience

is the feedback departing

nothing is more complex 

than how knowing works

and what to do with it 

beyond retention

a smirk is unknowingly, 

a self-abusive smile

when facileness is featureless

ease goes on

without notice or heed

reaching for the say towards equality 

is comparative truth 

with bad breath

every new disease 

is a pharmaceutical hunt for gold

and the issue is not the disease 

but how to harvest it

common topic agreement 

can make us 

internal method friendly

having a crush 

is learning to play 

a musical instrument 

of the heart

the makings of a brain sneeze 2/16/20

who'd of thought this to be true?

first an incredulous, 

then jaw-dropping, 

then laughing stock 

all in a process

which is much similar 

to the physical generation of a sneeze

only in this first case 

it is the physicality of a brain sneeze, 

gesundheit!

how rich is rich? 2/15/20

how rich has postures,

promotes itself,

positions to keep claiming,

becomes an honored icon gathering low grade lust,

lives on, in forgetful minds,

creates a landscape of viewing rigidity,

has beautiful as observed, but not being,

has a cognitive code driven conduct,

thrives on short-term cynical batteries,

revels in self-protective services,

knows the difference between can't and won't,

has act-outs as if speeches delivered,

expects to be thoroughly listened to, 

has positions that others need to respect as givens,

has a personal history, if necessary, reimagined,

see the vastness of life from adequately afloat,

assumes that life has stage presence as their view,

expects to be respectfully asked, 

faces the conundrum of worth by presence of others,

has a secret life of anomalies and tacky private discords,

couldn't be bothered unless self-directed,

weighs in as if having import,

and has roles of self assigned from self approval.

rich has load-bearing as a self gravity.

rich has an emotional tattoo on the inside.

rich has what could have been, 

as now otherwise assigned . . .

experience is consciousness 2/14/20

experience is consciousness 

with an expectational narrative,

on, all the time. 

how I locate right here, right now,

is by the high contrast of the looks and feel 

from everywhere else, 

as from the recent then 

to the immediacy of now.

it's not that I am not bored with expectation

as my personal directive.

but I now look for the edginess 

off of expectation's offerings.

I simply have to have the expectation

in order to frame the unexpected.

I live in the expected

but I live for the unexpected.

of course there is the obviousness.

but more so, buried in the ambiguous,

is the blatantly concealed,

the dark and dubious.

there is the seepage of the somewhat accidental,

the utterly amazing,

the unforeseen,

even the astonishment

that I can come to live with.

experience has to be made of that,

otherwise I am listless and thoroughly bored.

yes, experience is boring

much like a bus ride to where (?). 

I don't care.

I have all this pent up enthusiasm 

and nothing to spend it on.

all I have otherwise

is a closet full of self-intimacies

as my private form of healthy neurosis. 

at least that is what I think it is.

anyways, experience is like this collage

and the intake seems to always be on,

don't you have one of these? . . .

bystander status 2/13/20

attention is losing its first person experience style.

attention is becoming 

more of a flat screen reality viewing style.

sort of like audience perception

with bystander status,

as if I was there 

but not involved.

yes, I saw what I saw,

but, I don't know what you are asking.

reality is passively aggressive 

in that it is there and intrusive.

and I have weathered its presence,

even though I am not genuinely interested.

there is nothing fascinating

about getting through the day.

I make up what is interesting from me.

I live from breadcrumb to breadcrumb

in that way.

otherwise, it's a zombie-land out there.

it's straight up like television

but not easy to change the channels.

I am happiest when I am in control.

reality is slippery that way.

so I attempt to fill my life

with experiences that I can create.

thus I'm on screens as much as possible.

it's emotional animation to me.

better than the bystander status of living otherwise . . .

expand to include 2/12/20

I have a crush on the unknown

a deep seated calling that lingers

am ambushed by this unexpectedly

turned inside out once again 

as if I really have no clue

as to who I am

and what I really chase after

but I keep falling up

curiosity is now a framing style

focus has no surety to it

it's not like rain from the sky

but clues do appear

relatedness seems to clarity coalesce

from a profound image of nothing

to a connectivity never seen before

wonderment seeps in to arise

there are hidden blooms appearing

the world is more embraceable 

there is more efficiency to sensing

there are handrails of knowing all around

the intake in mesmerizing 

expand to include

is the embrace to be . . .

experience is why we chase what follows 2/11/20

I go into thirst for the bleak circumstance to anoint me.

I go into anger for peace to be a deluge of overwhelm.

I ask for violence to dismembered me by serenity.

I want for dualities to be inseparable identical twins. 

I amble along for assurances to eventually engulf me.

I want for convulsions into laps of profound laugher,

to find this absentminded lingering 

to be the source of all knowledge,

to be utterly confounded by the stampedes of certitude.

there is a want for my bleed-outs to be in full bloom,

for my marathon of madness 

to be a run-on sentencing,

for the lightness of being to be a tai chi of kindness,

for investiture to be a disrobing of this self,

for guilt by association 

to be personified incestuous oneness,

for the end of any more pronouncements 

as if newness ever reigned,

for silence to be the language of immersion's overwhelm,

for deep-seated to be forever flowering,

essentially rooted in love,

for angst to be dissolved within inseparability's call,

for sighs to be the ever-herding of laughables,

for fright to be on holiday 

soaking in the warmth of the sun,

for the sight of scattered clouds 

to be the seasoning of every meal deliciously taken.

to be where decoding is the highest form of honesty,

where meaningfuls are just migratory routes 

along the milky-way,

where lip-service become doorman to breath-aware,

where all minds are in service to humming in silence

and where sound is first felt

before it is ever the heard . . .

(experience is why we chase what follows)

dealing from the heart 2/10/20

if capitalism is the psychology of leverage into profit

then what is the psychology of kindness into caring?

if profit is the driver of human psychology in earnest

then what will it take for kindness 

to also have that status of earnestness appeal?

there can't be an override of such.

if profit overwhelms caring,

then there are two philosophies at work.

and they are not interactional to anyone's benefit.

they create very different worlds of existence,

namely, one of separatist's insularity as success

and one of collective confluence forming,

one of prominent control operatives

and one of creative means interactive.

evolution is only served by one of these two

and a down-turn status assigned to the other.

psychology is a self-confessional possessed.

it should be a dialogue not a monologue existence.

when 'how' is pursuing 'why', psychology functions

but when 'why' is an isolation response,

survival perspective reigns.

'how' makes 'why' pursue a higher means.

'how' questions 'who' is speaking for 'why'.

capitalism has reversed the order of means,

in which case, 'how' is supposed to work for 'why'

and 'why' is an island of self, 

where profit is the embarrassment of a species 

unto itself 

but unrealized in its course of action.

the override of this insularity is a version of self.

the pretend is that that is a true course of action.

the psychology of kindness into caring 

can not be annihilated from human existence,

but the suppression is common existence amongst us all.

capitalism is poker played as real life.

and the game never ends

and the table is never left.

it is a game of expense, 

a false premise of play

that requires that in order for me to win,

others have to loose as a functional perspective.

the chips are assign a value

that the heart of being human can't abide by,

yet we play into oblivion

as if unconsciousness is the joy of the moment.

we would all want that poker table to be serving a meal

where nourishment wasn't so abstract as winning presents.

and the eventual discovery is 

that the psychology of kindness into caring

deals from the heart 

and not from the headiness that capitalism provides . . . 

we haven't got the time-space down 2/9/20

to all of space,

its comprehension of time, 

is just a unified 'now'.

all of its past and future

is completely contained

in that now.

that 'now' is unrealized comprehension

by our means.

we don't understand that comprehension.

we invented understanding

as a means

but the leverage and insight from it,

does not essentially address this issue.

our method of addressing time-space

still contains a false undiscovered premise,

an abstraction of means

that does not exist in the time-space continuum 

in the way we presume it to be.

and that unexplored premise is our perceptual style.

we have it as an objective pursuit, 

when there is no objectivity by our means.

we are also an integral part of the time-space

but have invented a medium 

in which we have time and space 

as separate entities.

yet one is in disguise in the other

or vice versa.

and we can't realize the disguise embedded within.

we call out space

and do not a sense of the time of it.

and we call out time 

and do not feel for the space of it.

our comprehension is all sensory surface

and not real sense-immersion into it.

our language is the style

of all wrapping paper.

we do not know how to unwrap with language

when time-space does not function or cater that way.

we ourselves are the method of enigmas

as the consternational emptiness of answers

and the befuddlement of false immersions.

we entrain towards this preoccupancy 24/7.

how we have experience is substitutional.

where ever we are,

we only take cognitive photos,

to have a memory as a distant refrain.

we falsify the essentialness

into a self-contained version,

a construct of mental equivalency 

and an ever advancing construct as understanding.

reality is only iconic

in its mediumship with time-space.

time-space is not the addressable issue.

more directly, it's how comprehension has displaced us

in our participation in time-space.

we truly are there

but not by comprehensive means.

our entire lives are an aborted effort

of experiential comprehensive means

but the methods we use, strengthen our separateness

by observational pulls and sensory lockdowns

that limit our hows and whys of conscious existence.

time-space is a consciousness

that we cannot demand into experience-realm existence.

we selectively pursue experiential means

to the exclusion of a time-space consciousness,

with an unceasing dedication of an awareness from within

and yet no means of exposure evident.

we think we can abstract isness out of method.

invent all methods,

not realizing the abstraction that that becomes,

to the exclusion of our essential search.

we are all of the leap of intention and draw

but we survive by the meaning-full-ness of our fall.

leap and fall have our time-space version of account

which really don't exist outside our sense of that.

our use of time and space does not give us a unified now

we are in that now

but always, by our means,

experiencing at it as a past

to postulate a future

and neither truly exist in a unified now . . .