by way of death 5/31/19

death is a mask 

that only materializes 

from the content of fear.

death will ask 

for the chorus of habit 

to be sung one last time.

the songwriter within us lives on.

from then, 

the scores are all played 

in higher octaves.

from then ongoing, 

tone-deaf is not relevant.

the lyrics are more emotionally authored

and the heart-strings themselves

become their own instruments.

it is the end of the need

for nostalgia,

for the cognitive methods of inquiry,

and the world of self as stand-alone logic.

death then becomes an open-door policy.

sight is not pictorial.

sound is not localized in origin.

and feel has no need 

for this backdrop of experiential novelty . . .

one of us 5/30/19

we are all survivors 

in a self-captive world,

private thoughts linger

as for consolation’s offerings.

we haven’t been with our real selves 

like this in days.

wonder where we went 

to now return.

don’t like these times of absence.

distraction, in its own world, 

is quite renowned.

we’d rather be homebound 

with empty thoughts 

that embrace beyond any conclusion’s grasp.

to simply wander with the breeze

and wonder with our heart’s desire.

unmeasured by any cognitive means.

never leaving behind

yet in all ways expanding.

the future will bring to us 

reflective mirrors of the now.

yet essence is here, 

camouflaged but subtly present.

every view we personally take

is both a surrender of a self

and a unspoken inquiry towards embrace.

there is, after all, only one of us.

and when self as recognition falls away

these mirrors of self 

revealing our sense of isolation 

will be readily discarded . . .

beyond understanding 5/29/19

understanding sets the mental table.

experience provides the eatables.  

actualization is one’s own vitality 

garnering comprehension from that meal.

the way we do understanding 

is not beginner friendly.

if it were, 

then recognition would feature 

no personal growth.

fear, as mastication, 

makes understanding relatively simple 

because it is immediate and impending. 

fear features short term results 

as in avoidance of danger 

in whatever form is presenting, 

be it real 

or apprehensively imagined. 

wisdom is not ordained 

just by application

in these circumstances.

true understanding 

is an interpretive art-form of reasoning.

perception towards understanding 

has many layers of interfacing interpretation 

to fuse into first stage recognition.

the resulting beliefs are consequential 

and laden with both pronouncement 

and hidden emotional drivers.

our fascination with satisfaction and happiness 

are forever a false existence 

in the land of substantial conclusions 

which is fundamentally a misuse 

of the mind’s ability 

to be in actuality ongoing 

and not posing and imposing 

a reality text upon us as experience.

our use of technology 

primarily pursues lateral concerns

by an expansion to include a change

and much less of a transcendent search. 

the scientific approach falsely claims objectivity 

and ever expands that

to advance us by this method 

when what is needed is transcendent 

in the first order. 

science creates results 

and then audience to appreciate and adore. 

neither of those means can deeply exists 

in transcendent advancement. 

there is no possibility of change 

as the primary method. 

true advancement has to be expansive 

and inclusive to a higher order of integration 

and awareness into presence.

every person is the self experiment 

in this regard.

but being, human being,

is already there 

in unknowable ways 

that live through us 

in profoundly unconscious means.

hoping and wishing for evolution

as if a vacation made permanent 

is not a transitional method of resolve.

brain styles of advancement do not occur

as lab experiments

but are ordained by personal growth.

the human species is spent

on in-fighting and self-indulgence.

neither of those preoccupations

lend themselves 

towards evolutionary development.

deep within,

there are transformative callings.

and each person, 

by their own ingenuity has to progress

beyond the apparent and distractives of existence.

the drawnness to transcend has it moments

in each of us.

to displace the reality context 

thought by thought,

cell by cell,

gene by gene.

and ever so slowly,

to take leave of understanding

as a bystander existence

and become from beyond

where understanding in the method used

can take us.

we can consciously be and express 

from beyond the wherewithal 

of understanding . . .

perception 5/28/19

perception is only a mere handshake 

with the physical world.

quantum is currently 

a french kiss in the mind.

one cannot hack the brain 

as with hack technology.

that is asking the brain to succumb 

to an inferior method known as understanding. 

for the methods and techniques of understanding 

reside in dysfunctional ways of pursuit.

quantum will have no audience of entry.

no one will go there with fresh eyes

and then return.

for those eyes of an observer can only report

but can not immerse 

can not freely interact

can only bathe

but in that, not liquefy

cannot wholly acquiesce

perception is not personage

but only can ride shotgun 

as in going no where in a quantum way.

for the way we use perception

is only the superficial 

grandiose, into a form of acceptable deception.

perception only offers a distant shore.

for the tides of knowing should scare us all.

for as much conversation as one can have 

with the mirror of perception,

the mirror is only a lip-sink in response . . .

evaporative is heaven 5/27/19

it seems like life is 

only snowflake to avalanche

yet I live for melt, stream to river, 

on to ocean, 

evaporation into cloud 

and the journey as a whole.

human existence seems winterized.

I mostly wanted the evaporative state,

the magic of ascension.

I know that gravity 

is the prominent religion

and that flow, in many forms, 

is sacred.

but I wanted the immaterial faceless state

where-by the collective moves on as one.

I wanted this subtle anointment of passage

from liquid to vapor to sky.

I get tired of the heavy handed viscosity,

the constant jostling 

of shoulder to shoulder conditions,

the burdensome ride-alongs in liquid 

that travel-with, 

the carry-ons and the floats, 

from here to there,

even the earth blanketing over my head.

I don't much care not for that either.

snowflake to avalanche is spectacular

it is hard-fought then into spectacular torrents

that chorus in their free-fall.

but I am drawn to the evaporative as mystical,

the quintessential, 

with its vapor eyes.

thermals are my angels upon me.

heaven-sent, returning me to the light.

where upon I will wander, 

on a soul journey

yet once again to serve.

then you will know me as snow.

eventually avalanche will come with passion.

we will all have tears

in both joy and sadness.

but I will leave for the mystical once again.

I will take the purity of your heart with me.

as I become one with the sky above

and within the spirit of your subtlety of sight 

and the sacredness of your knowing . . .

not the wisdom yet 5/26/19

when laughable and appalling meet,

what happens?

what hysteria reigns though un-absorbable?

what place within comes to have a prominence of stature?

is this an emotion that knows no bounds,

that has no means of articulation,

that stretches and pleads with time and space,

that asks for mercy for being in form and account?

is this where the laws of physics are out of ink?

where comprehension is just day-old roadkill?

where void is in the lineup of accused criminals?

where the prominence of god 

is the remnants of a footprint baked in enigma?

where sanity is out of bearings?

is this a shake-down of the human condition?

do I ask these question to hide back tears?

or to placate a deep seated embarrassment

for being human to start with?

that laughable and appalling can pass through me

as one shared point in time.

I don’t have the skin to contain this.

I don’t have the emotional depth to embrace either.

this is a small death spreading

the longer I stay with this.

if this is the final link to the circle of life

I am not the wisdom yet

to embrace it . . .

Rube Goldberg mechanics 5/25/19

the Rube Goldberg philosophical life mechanics 

as a self-reflective exposé brought to light.

figure it this way:

all of life is an endless series 

of simple straightforward moments, 

one after another in the style of experience. 

all to accomplish what is immediately at hand. 

one can be lost or perplexed or in overwhelm 

by the sequencing presented.

or, one can be of a Rube Goldberg perspective 

where by every moment is unique 

in this novelty of the ongoing. 

one could have the feel and perspective 

of ease and enjoyment 

out of each one in passing, 

however elegant, clever, deceptive, 

incomprehensible, mystifying, 

obtuse, or unintelligible.

just imagine if the view of your life,

moment by moment in passing 

was that quality and perspective

with which one would view

a homemade Rube Goldberg machine

that just went on and on,

for all of time,

and that that machine was your life ever unfolding.

that state of awareness is rare

under this set of circumstances.

one would have to have a grand sense of being

and a profound capacity to embrace

the experience of life with that type of buoyancy 

and yet, every moment is a golden opportunity

to proceed with Rube Goldberg clarity. 

so, feel free to start the ball rolling

and see what remarkably comes your way . . .

one is one 5/24/19

look, it is like we did our entire relationship 

in one conversation.

yes, I know that sounds insane.

I am not talking about being topic bound

or content measured.

what I am saying is this:

at an energetic level,

we touched all tuning forks of our beings.

we soul survived all circumstances.

we lived beyond the distinction and boundaries of love.

I ethereally cried all of your tears

as you did of mine.

we went beyond siamese twins connection.

we have been the other gender and back.

we are one rocking chair of habit.

ours sighs start with one of us 

and end with the other.

being human, for either of us,

is now of a questionable need.

my sky is the origin of your rain 

and vice versa, supreme.

I bleed out of caring

as if your blood is mine to keep.

yours is buoyant

flowing through my veins.

so to say,

it was not the vocals that made this all so.

maybe the acoustics of our intimacy 

played its part.

surely, it was the choir of our sound

in the stairwell of our living it alive.

we go beyond the know of the other.

we are out of plurals to address this as such.

this talk is cheap,

until one is one,

woven together 

until the mind-boggling of one, is one 

grandly but silently, 

yet secretly, soulfully sung . . .

nine human bylaws 5/23/19

reality is made up of what you want,

living is demystifying what you really need.

love is expectation’s efforts at objectification.

caring is the practical use of empathy.

concern is emotionally sponsored attention.

ridicule is emotional undressing oneself, 

disguised as a projection upon another.

discernment is undressing hope 

to get to the bones of truth.

and truth only has the full shelf life 

of immediate action.

stark raving mad is 

only authentic irrational honesty.

energetic truth has no telling,

only the exuding of presence.

broadcast of being 5/22/19

it is hard to leave 

the sweet broadcast of being

to leave,

for the impersonal presentation of behavior,

to trade-in the presence of being 

for the habitualness of doing,

to be an attentive slave 

to the projection of self

and not the animation 

of one’s temperament of spirit.

may they both co-exists 

without the leverage 

of hidden unconscious directives.

is there a fitfulness 

buried in fluid flight(?),

or a serenity 

beneath the erratic-ness of display means?

does the paradox ever leave duality 

to rest?

can the enigmatic ever reveal 

behind its mask?

is the cryptic ever simplistic 

at source?

when does the obscure 

become face-to-face honesty?

is the inscrutable ever so childlike 

that it is puzzling?

is the incomprehensible 

a doorway to enlightenment?

yet, by broadcast of being,

not a thought,

not a worry,

not a care . . .

self-less consciousness 5/21/19

self-consciousness will become 

useless by personal human evolution

we are all individual flotational devices

until liquid within the consciousness sea

self is outstanding 

until it is standing out, no more

no more the bother of details

to flood the sense of existence

confluency flourishing without cause 

or even the impetus for response

there is no inertia 

for which motivation would be the driver

there are no after-thoughts

even if thought 

only has a streaming capacity for a then

but ‘then’ has no time commitment constraint

the use of ‘time’ as a dimension is wasteful

actually not possible

within the transparency of non-observable presence

no audience to existence

integration becomes the ongoing overwhelm

quantum beyond the impeccability of yawn

that works undisclosed

towards meridian balance in each of us

the self comes to have no surface as self

no medium of needs

no claims of wants or desires

nothing of a relational nature 

other than immediacy as fulfilling

nothing is noted as grand

impulse has no origin of launch

duly noted has no registry

the comparative truth of highs and lows

discarded without the notice as if a loss

the ‘we’ of the weave of human evolution

will take the ‘us’ of us there

no one will be the wiser than the other

one consummate mindfulness unboundaried

and in every way, hinderless of account

soft breath, for we are already there

but unknowing

as if knowing would give up its status

to become beyond what knowing can provide

victimhood has mental equivalency 

spirit for all of this 

has no residence in words . . .

‘gun’ 5/20/19

‘gun’ is an impediment of the mind.

to observe and decode ‘gun’ 

in an emotional mind-talk way

is the conclusions reached

after a contentious inner self-dialogue.

one done without regard to social etiquette 

but with authentic, irrational, emotional presence.

it is composed of a war-room account

of all the perceived injustices 

one could enunciate as if to tolerate.

none that have been aligned by their weight.

most, if not all, 

still are in an allegiance to hurtful cause,

that of self-induced pain

but perceived as the result of others’ actions.

no matter the reality context in an original fashion,

all is kept and stored in this place of cumulative pain

that is not really rational,

and not clearly retained.

now it is a powder-keg of kept-ripe reactive source.

all the stored energy of self, seen as denied

or disrespected or outright abused

is kept here as it own room of concealed rage.

not necessarily as act out rage 

but more so initially as seething and get-even rage.

opportunity is always looking

for next outbreak of anger.

possibly minor in its origin,

but having potential to either be stored 

or to trigger.

and what that trigger does is this:

it opens the inner dialogue of ‘gun’

and ‘gun’ is code for payback.

not just payback, payback,

but end it all payback,

or factor-ten payback,

or I’ll get your attention 

beyond your disregard of me

and you will never forget it! (payback)

‘gun’ is not the tool to start with.

way before ‘gun’ is the state of mind

as the inner dialogue rages on quite privately.

‘gun’ is code for the means for getting even.

not just for the act perceived

but for the all of time experience accumulated,

as they all fall into this one pain.

a pain, no words spoken seem to be able to resolve.

but put into action

and ‘gun’ now becomes an act-out mechanism.

a means to say beyond what words could say or do.

‘gun’ is to-die-for, in principle,

one way or the other, or both.

it is a leap of dire internal faith.

a faith the is from isolation 

and a sense of self as loss or lost. 

‘gun’ is an emotional and psychological code word.

it represents the deep and the dark and the definite

in that reactive light.

however hair-brain impulsive 

or calculated towards premeditated thought,

‘gun' is a mood of conclusion,

whatever the reality of resolve.

getting rid of guns falsely addresses the issue.

it makes it a post-problem based upon results

as damage and death and destruction of human life.

but the real source is buried deep within the culture.

the internal chemistry for ‘gun’

is from the isolation of self 

from the humanity of others.

and as a whole,

that language,

the language of the ‘gun’ world,

does not work to support connectivity,

that culture is so derisive in the pursuit of self.

and that success is constructed at the loss for others

as if success is a composition that all humans play

in such a way that if you win you have audience

and if you loose, you are audience in resolve.

hurt is a given as a side effect of the play.

‘gun’ is an alien force directed by isolated people.

their emotional and psychological makeup is inborn within it.

we all are well versed in it.

the deep meaning of ‘gun’ goes unspoken,

even to the heart of the matter.

having guns or not is a diversion 

away from the issue of essence.

it is a charade of the mind 

parading as deep-seated emotional issues

that have no other address.

‘gun’ is an index that addresses the failure of culture,

the disparity of humanity

and the disease that seems to have no cure.

as long as there is duality in the mind 

as method and then positions taken,

‘gun’ is a pawn in that game.

as long as we have worth as a medium, 

‘gun' should not be a game changer

or a means of falsely perceived equalization or payback.

cursing is real.

even mad-at and anger are very real.

but ‘gun’ is a game changer,

even though it may appear

that the unspoken dialogue has ended 

with ‘gun’ as punctuation,

there is still a glitch in the human program

and our proof-reading is not to the depth 

to include soul . . .

escape velocity 5/19/19

there is no escape velocity. 

you can’t be an ‘it’

and go fast enough

to escape ‘it’.

‘it’ is already the baggage and the decals,

the expectation and the journey.

the map of intention is not decipherable

by the means exploration or travel-on.

whatever the ‘whim-upon-which’

has a false source-point.

‘it’ being the felonious, the deplorable,

the immoral, or the confines of self.

‘it’ is a the wrong orientation

to become one with the universe,

as so expressed as escape velocity.

escape velocity is a quantum joke

much like any:

“so did the hear the one about” ?

it’s three-card-monte of the mind.

doing an original version of the mind.

pardon me,

but you can’t really escape,

for every means of identification

binds you to me in a false premise.

as if we were separate to start with.

and you want escape velocity

as if it will be your only form 

of our celestial embrace (?) . . .

went for float 5/18/19

I thought meaningfulness boosted vitality.

I have doses of it daily.

I could overdose on meaningful

and think I am remaining healthy.

I could be thought-form icing on the cake

and still not be nutritionally sound.

what a bakery-of-life failure.

I got seduced into taste and flavor

and went for the simplicity of stimulation

as if readied to proof-read the story of my life

dressed with punctuation and font adoring.

this brain is active 

as if dancing all the way

yet I seem to be choking on the narrative.

right-mindedness is at half mast.

emotion is this vastness of ocean

and I went for mental-ness of float.

I am a death wish 

blowing out the candles,

politely put into words.

what I feel, has current forwarding it.

what I say, 

only has breath 

on its way leaving . . .

because you ask 5/17/19

because you ask.

the use of topic-bound 

is to know that victories only function 

for appearance sake

as if for the way and reason 

that whales ocean-surface at all. 

and that the preening one’s own feathers 

is the sacred dedication 

for flight to come one's way.

and that the experience of fading light

is to be seen as oneself being gifted 

for the ability to surrender 

into the light and the dark

with equal benefit spread across one’s soul.

and that reasoning is 

for studying paradoxes as wisdom

to demystify certitudes’ unnatural stance.

and, in any human’s mind and heart,

for finding that familiarity is a haunting phase,

excitement is as a splendid training ground,

and experience, as the download report,

is taken directly to the motherboard of being.

so why on earth do you ask(?) . . .

the coma from her rapture 5/16/19

what in god’s earth has happened

for her body is all of the fertileness of milk glands

she has her purr resoundingly into me

the landscape of her presence 

vista-rewards my sensory intake

as if I am land

that an ocean of her surrounds are upon me

every breath-in of mine is the joy-field

of making angels in fresh snowfall snow

the tall redwoods of her close-nit forest of hair

exudes a visual perfume 

with a trance-like effect from its sway and bounce

any conversation makes kindling 

for the validation of imaginary into real

there is a tingling of buoyancy from her touch

not pointy but field present 

as if ocean swaying beneath me

I now have eyes 

that reside further back from within me

like my heart can see out and into hers

as when the ocean first sees full-moon-rising

or when the first spring snow melt 

finally meets the roots of hungry trees

there is the pleasure of dawn and dusk

but never like this as into a lightness of my being

my life had the criss-cross of purpose and direction

but I now have the weave of becoming me

what her as a mirror reflects

I did not ever know of myself in calling

she is the cross between epitomize and exemplify

and I am in her emotional crosshairs 

featuring landmarks of my devotion 

and intimacies of my affection

I am beside myself

and literally in her land of my becoming

for I must clearly be 

in the coma from her rapture . . .

a dimension shy of whole 5/15/19

I am hundreds of years old of myself.

time is a closet queen of exaggeration.

the tumbleweeds of words 

are across the desert of my mind.

staring is its own kind of wisdom

for listening when spoken to.

animation is a stillness whispering.

perspective has a vacancy to it.

worth does not come from conclusions

but the living-in to its happening.

longing draws me into aliveness.

sacred exists before sensory awareness absorbs.

to know of, is a secondary perseverance to live by.

feel hardly has a self of distinction

but feel comes to be 

from connection to it all.

know of reality as survival (?), 

I gave up on self long ago

to be one with the universe privately.

experience is only a hand-me-down existence.

I am saved from identity’s purge.

I come through you before words

as if understanding is a knock at that door.

soul always hears but may vaguely remember . . .