the greenhouse of self 11/30/19

conclusionary existence is never to be happy 

in the constancy of seeking it

one white-cane-plant of the mind after another

happiness is not outside-in 

but clearly inside-out

conclusionary is the overwhelm

of outside-in taking up residence

where one becomes a curator of judgment

a vast collector of outdated opinion

as if worth, in that light, is not moth-eaten

how far-fetched is one conclusion from the last

eventually, it is not the particulars of mention

but clearly the use of the method

that makes the greenhouse of self, a hellion 

spontaneity (haiku) 11/29/19

spontaneity 

works best in high contrast to

expectation’s needs

the curse of seeking 11/28/19

how does what you seek avoids you 

by the way you go about seeking it?

do you seek it as solutions

and it dissolves upon approach?

you seek it for consolation

and it is unrealized in comfort afforded.

you seek it for wealth

and a distant island in dreams is provided.

you seek it for spiritual advancement

and your life is posterized with storied accounts.

you seek it for some purposeful existence

and it collapses in achievement’s short-life span.

you seek as a next thing to do

and the business and fussiness all collapse unto itself.

you seek as an orientation

only to discover that method alone is madness.

you question seeking

as if where from within

only to discover 

being drawn, as with passion,

makes seeking seem so simple-minded obsolete.

what draws you is a form of seeking.

receptivity to what approaches 

is the seeking for embodiment to reveal.

that you channel what chases after you

is as your evolutionary path,

as if it walks you onward 

as well as inward . . . 

the art of compartmentalization 11/27/19

when does mental compartmentalization fail?

when mindsets become their own debris

as if not a functionality but a depository?

when a mindset ceases to be not as a witness means 

but stands on a thrown handing out judgments by decree? 

when the mind-memory bead-string brakes while wearing it

and thoughts are all over the remembering-floor in rambles?

when the mindset itself 

becomes just the dress of stealth apparel?

when the mindset-belief is so cluttered 

as to amass as an agog of goo?

when spare-parts-reasoning 

becomes the main-shaft for a brainiac driver?

when the cumulative trash of the mind 

overruns the thinking-self forest 

with rubble-thoughts as jungle is now everywhere?

so, what does mentally sound express like

when the art of compartmentalization truly fails?

self-consciousness as the prisoner 11/26/19

what is the life inside the capture of self-consciousness?

comparative truth provides for the eyes of surveillance. 

belief routinizes the agonies of night and day.

conclusions become graffiti littering as afterthoughts. 

memory is the reasoning for the remembrance of capture.

understanding gives meaningful as the penance received.

shared agreement is based upon 

the common enemy of logic.

the operative sense of self perspective thrives as guilt.

past and future perspectives relate to each other 

from boredom as inner dialogue.

the God out there from unworthiness makes prayer real.

relative worth is an appraisal of circumstance’s appeal.

contextual perspective is freedom-denied made obvious.

the use of language provides for overhearing 

the tone of one’s guilt.

the syntax of morality 

makes deeds contextually reviewable. 

dualistic thinking is the idleness of ‘what are the odds’? 

thought’s method of production is single file, 

one foot in front of the other into the mind cell.

the nature of account is the use of story as self-defense.

motivation is to prove one’s worth 

is not a death sentence.

sensory’s operative tasks 

is to overcome the boredom of recognition.

the momentum of indoctrination’s influence 

is the eventual persuasion of guilty as charged.

the use of experience is to fill the holes made by time.

the nature of phenomenology’s effect 

is the nature of imprisonment as a benefit to one’s spirit.

the method of perception’s account 

is to stop the internal nagging 

and to hear an inner voice 

clearly speaking the truth . . .

tea as method 11/25/19

sipping the tea is only method

unless you are referring to 

discreet verbal disclosures

of rumors, gossip or first person accounts

while the world of taste is wildly rambunctious 

where all kinds of sensory information dances

as if boisterous upstairs in the brain

and buoyantly complex in the dance hall

and zestfully swallowed going the down stairs 

entering the galley 

in either case there is value to the listener

whether taste, aroma, talk or contemplative . . .

self-consciousness as the hustle 11/24/19

two of the major shortcomings of human consciousness 

are the concepts of time and space.

as concepts like time 

require an indulgence in occupancy 

which does not actually exist. 

it is only a technique 

that we have humanly invented 

which plays to the convenience 

of our mind usage 

as a method of self identification. 

of course, the concept of self 

is also a fabrication  

by its exclusionary nature of the usage 

as perception to enhance 

that which we claim as such, 

the notion of self as separate and distinctive 

by our observational methods. 

and in our occupancy as such, 

we further claim a concept of space 

which is dependent on time 

to be duly noted 

and to exist as referential 

for how we use our sensory nature 

to further the necessity and the substantive 

to account for our existence. 

neither of which actually function 

with the rest of the universe 

as deep concepts in essence 

but only serve as our means 

for the notion of understanding. 

yet our version of understanding 

does not permit us access 

to the deeper truths of existence 

or aliveness 

which we seem to be driven to comprehend 

even though our technique for doing understanding 

abides by false concepts of time and space 

in order to allow for our method of understanding 

to function in small-minded inadequacy  

as how and what we understand. 

hence we either have to give up on mind usage 

for the way we have it 

or come to a level of comprehension 

that does not avail us 

of a need for separation, or objectivity, 

or in-time perusal of existence. 

we are but our method of claim 

that excludes us from a consciousness 

of the isness of our existence 

and instead promotes a separateness of us 

from our essential process in a conscious way. 

we still are wanting to be self-conscious 

in the midst of our consciousness 

which seems to be the breakdown 

of our integral participation in the universe 

and its elemental means 

for the way we falsely identify 

and subsequently claim about ourselves 

and then referentially expand that claim 

as if understanding has given us a deeper access 

to the dynamics the universe in its existence.

we contend as audience

and expect the stage to come our way.

thoughts are only tickets to watch and learn.

we are but trench coats lined with pictures

and we have the display of self-consciousness 

as the hustle . . .

soft has no edges 11/23/19

when soft has no edges

there is no surface for entry

the sensory-mingle shows no differences

the innocence has only lumens of first thoughts, 

of delicate approaching

discernment is not awakened 

as if from its snooze

the blend is enhancement without discovery

titillation and tingle hum up from silence

but only as background ambience approaching

the quiet of presence is getting more full bodied

alert rechecks for a shift in the quality of soothe

touch has an army of low-key serene at hand

aura to aura is already commingled

the mind meld is on 

as delicately subtle, faintly occurs

drawnness has this impending fever

but does not know yet what is the cause

touch has come from so very far away

so thoroughly in essence

that connection is communion 

rather than contact

that does not produce a response

for soft identified is an audience response

therefore none will occur

oneness is expanse from within

there is not the need to be identified as inclusion

for this kind of soft is everywhere of existence

as quantum goes about life unnoticed . . .

self as justified 11/22/19

each of us is a sperm donor of thought.

we secrete with some degree of constancy.

I live inside your thoughts 

as source and carriage.

there is more to what is said

then just the heard of it.

I hurl of myself, breath assisted

and I whirl along pronounced as edified.

I use your voice as appearance and accompaniment.

I am an unavoidable vibrational whisper 

on the eardrums of those around.

they are within the spectrum of response

but first, there is impact as register,

from meaningful to meddlesome.

for their translator goes into action, deep within,

as if tuning fork to tuning fork are our possibilities.

pluck to hum as hum to pluck is the blue print,

yet noise, as registered, 

could be an eventual outcome.

the ambient clamor is as a reason for disregard.

but if tune and tone align, 

somewhat straight away,

then resonance could lead to a forthcoming response.

yes, say looks, like informational exchange.

but I only parade topic to get to the tonal.

I live for sumptuous tonal in response.

there is meaning hidden inside of language sounded.

a higher charge of intimacy occurs

than with the proper of spoken words.

it is realm worthy to persist although disguised.

the quench is unsurpassed and fully completing.

I live through you, for the heartfelt,

despite our intellectual and topical concerns.

we are our mothers from before life.

we are our wisdom before discernment presents.

we are one of soul before we got separated 

into a me and you.

maybe this lifetime we awaken

and I will continue to use your thoughts as mine.

and softly, thought by thought, breath by breath,

life beyond conclusions will begin to be dawn.

maybe then we will come to know love

as nothing that can be objectified.

but only lived alive by being

before the interjection of our separate thoughts 

still created by our cultures of distraction,

and by the means of our intelligence, 

spent on the concept of self as justified . . .

self advised 11/21/19

self, is always, overdressed as interacting.

there is a self, 

before the murmur of memory,

before the starch of awareness returns with feedback,

before separateness is a correction to the optics of being.

there is the emanation that demonstrates as the self,

as the emergence of essence into that body of matter,

which the self preys upon as separate yet exuding.

self, not happy with the walls, 

always wanting more windows,

has its own invisible graffiti for self as amusement.

some selves are perk, some curse, 

some out of darkness,

some made of rise, others of mirror,

while others of languid, or long views, or listless.

find me a self 

that washes me away,

that takes my being beyond its composition.

a self that makes me admit to my vastness through others,

a self that dissolves into the hearts of others,

that demystifies the self as stance, separate, or deity.

I am only a pop-up self 

when self-consciousness appears,

like a handshake, a first kiss, or matching verbal tones.

to my senses, it’s like first meeting

but to my spirit, it’s like full circle round.

spiraling, we dance as one respective 

to flash flood past recognition’s rituals,

not entertaining each others’ brains,

watching a self be done.

where there is the presence, 

the projection and the priorities,

the self psychology is teeming in action.

I am living in the spaces between 

the cards you are dealing yourself.

I grow your growth to become me,

to know us beyond any self sense,

to be spirit without self containment.

but no one can say that to their own self . . .

satisfaction (haiku) 11/20/19

satisfaction’s nest

twigs used from conclusion’s tree

so the need to fly

religion is self in denial 11/18/19

religion is the essence of self in denial.

yet self is the god-with, withheld

and self-consciousness is a prison-life perspective.

while ego is a constant reminder of personal guilt

my expression is the intermittence of innocence.

while for me, living is the expression 

of a constant denial and the unsaidness of, 

‘it couldn’t be me’.

for living in a style of mental preoccupancy

keeps me from any awareness of spirit.

for I journey in a forest of my own creation,

following after a trail of breadcrumbs 

that represent my own self-worth.

this is where I pursue the human load-sharing 

by a constancy of interpersonal relevancies. 

where this forest does exist

is because I sense it to be so.

this is where the part of forest that I created, 

is mostly composed of all exposed bark,

and very rarely ever the experience of intimate bite.

this is where, the pretend becomes very real

and the real of itself, is beyond my recognition.

it seems that I am ill-equipped

to go beyond what reality-recognition offers,

while experience provides my preoccupation to exist.

this is where, thoughts without the capture of conclusions,

are personally and privately terrifying.

if there is a god-within,

then an absolute silence is maintained by me.

for if it is my cautious rigor to discover

and yet likewise simultaneously maintain

a constant innocence to that truth,

then nothing I say or do has any relevancy 

to that revelation in its private reveal.

for I can walk the talk that projects the denial

and live that truth in internal absentia settings.

for I can claim that I am the cuckold of my spirit

and not the reverse to be true for me

as the basis of our mutuality shared.

therefore exasperation is my prayer

of loneliness in its smoldering.

yet all my emotions are there, faithfully attending.

this is where destiny is despair, 

dealt one frame of mindful reference at a time

is in my hands, going forward.

while I call myself a believer

I still, privately wonder, why.

these tears that I have, from all this questioning, 

justify my false hopes

as the denial of god-within, justifies myself 

as my existence, that lingers.

like I’ve never said this to myself,

but physical densification for me,

is distraction from higher states.

and the truth of that 

would never embarrass itself

into manifest an existence 

through me, living it alive . . .

quantum is 11/17/19

how to hear the voice print of oneness

when sound is not the medium

how to surrender from acknowledgement

to be tonally aligned 

how to release the awareness of alignment

to be fluid without a sense of comfort or restraint

how to not have a sensory-version of being

and yet be electrifying from source within resounding

how to be beyond what knowing presents

as if time honored is a method from the distant past

how to exist when time and space

are not the methods of current human usage

stay tuned, and the song will sing through 

as quantum is the only medium of means . . .

profit-tears (haiku) 11/16/19

life’s not for profit

the whole scheme of things is off

profit is a con

oneness will have the last say 11/15/19

please know that witness is participation,

for there is no entertainment industry.

there is no real audience only act-outs in the surround.

skill-sets lacking to be on stage is no excuse.

experience is the common universal drug.

it’s been our secret human ploy

to claim separateness and boundaries

and the innocence of money exchanged

for positions of strict observation and distance.

but vicarious is only bad empathy as an excuse.

all of separateness is our metaphor

for oneness to occur without the need for account.

there is so much fluidity beyond the grasp of reason,

under the great collusion of culture and mindsets.

we are all seismically tectonics of impulses and urges 

launched from the unconscious into our act-outs, 

needing both deliverance and cover.

thus we are assigned a false safety

as witness and audience

ever searching for both the soothe and the appease.

money exchanged is our version of entitlement.

but truly, the collective is always the play,

however one is to be perceived.

every human has an accidental life,

floating in the sea of ourself as this collective.

yet we declare and define 

as if these articulations actually speak the truth.

certainly not by say or apparent account

but truly by the nuances 

of shared emotional states in passing.

one is everyone’s keeper,

even though our methods and denials 

appear to be confounding and indifferent.

‘oneness’ will have and be the last say.

yet no words will be used as its expression . . .

profit is not prophet 11/14/19

profit is not prophet. 

profit has an under-belly of motives.

legitimacy went out with the potential of leveraging.

it is not my product cost plus.

it is consumer’s perception or determined need.

maybe that was called supply and demand

but now it is scheme and ploy. 

the psychology of the buyer has been assessed.

any leverage to the seller is implied and employed,

even the misuse of measurement, labeling,

word interpretation, according to legal account,

point of purchase location, false dating,

medication benefits, source point of production,

implied fashion sense and disaster leveraging.

profit now is to feed on the emotional environment,

be that the buyer, the circumstances, or the need.

if profit is prophet,

then the message is slow doom,

for the buyer, the market, and the planet.

in general, it is a bad version of tag.

if I tag you with my serious profit 

by deleterious means

then you, in your eventual frustration, 

can express your resentment by

passing on that strategy, 

as a seller to others,

who, in likewise fashion,

unto others also.

the grand scheme of this unsaid theme 

is gut for profit, revisited, over and overseen. 

once there, then becomes no higher elevation to that cause.

the financial metaphor becomes the new religion

ascending as if economic growth expresses us.

we all become worker bees or worker ants

to the colony without real kinship of purpose.

we are just captured by the predicament at hand,

as reductionism to task

and the logic of consume.

and so I would want to be a religious leader

so that I could eventually buy a jet out of need.

I want to become a CEO 

so that I can make twenty to fifty times

what some of my employees make.

my brain trumps your brain

by virtue of our shared economic measures.

but be these means,

profit is not ever prophet

by presence or consequences achieved . . .

out there walking 11/13/19

how far I have walked 

is not justification for 

how I have walked far 

generally those two remarks refer to 

a drivenness account 

as opposed to a drawnness account

that they are mutually exclusive from each other

is usually a given

except if the walk was another example 

of self-esteem’s attempt 

at proving one’s worth

and if that be the case

then drivenness 

will generally override 

so if I feel like I need a walk

I have to internally ask. 

who will be the person of me

out there walking (?),

location and account

or wander and wonder? . . .

oneness has no audience 11/12/19

will the universe tell its story that science authors?

‘being-awareness’ is very remote from knowing's account.

‘knowing’ expects a language and understanding 

to do the necessary work.

but understanding and language lack the ‘isness’ factor,

and are primarily static in nature 

and observational in style.

where as, oneness has no audience.

there is no extraction called ‘experience to oneness’.

the method of experience 

is an example of a disqualifier.

essentially, if you go into oneness, for now,

there is no return.

experience is the realization of being positional.

oneness has no positions.

we can’t get there from here

as long as we have a ‘there’ and a ‘here’.

for ‘there’ is already ‘here’.

it has always been here.

it is we, who live in our remoteness 

from the essence of ourselves.

for our ‘here’ is only representational.

and as much as we are 

imprisoned by our sense of it,

we are the here that thrives 

on our reality composed of denials and methods 

that continue to reinforce this position.

we are essentially connected 

but octaves restrained and removed.

we are that remote and preserve as such

by our methods and sensory awareness 

to keep that distance prominent 

and essential to our versionary account.

we offer thought as a handshake of indifference.

we pursue and embrace thought

as if it was estranged from being.

we pursue objectification

and therefore send postcards to ourselves

and thoughts to our minds

that reinforce how insulated, isolated and separate, 

we think ourselves to be.

we create religions out of time and space

and icons of belief 

that further create a sacredness mystique 

of how remote we are. 

where we are ‘one’ is perceived as a phenomenon. 

everything that we could possible perceive as oneness

is engendered in terminology 

that best serves those of first person spectator status.

if we weren’t in a 24/7 workout gymnasium 

that keeps us in high performance separatism,

we’d already be ‘there’ 

by the consciousness that resides deeply within us.

but your religions gives us waiting lines

and postcard perspectives.

we are served the grossest meals of time and space

as if to keep our hopes vitalized

and our visions as keepsakes, 

only in our minds as if our consciousness.

we lived to purchase tickets to take us 

where we already are 

but haven’t really the clarity or the clues about that.

we have death as a possible ticket to ride

and a life as a way of lonely walking the tracks.

trains of thought come and go

and we believe accordingly in their passage.

we maintain with linear thinking

and experiential receptivity,

both as profound methods of self in denial.

as long as we are all of the questing and yearnings 

and efforts towards a ‘there’,

we live in the essential denial 

of the secret life of here.

we are then profoundly the tourists 

of a homeland, we only visit.

and when there, 

we pride ourselves on experiences

we hope to remember.

moving on in ‘time’ to the next ‘here’ 

in much the same way.

we have a ‘where we come from’ 

that belittles as our here and now.

and worst of all , in a tragic human sense,

we have a ‘here’ and a ‘now’ 

as riddles that fundamentally possess us.

none of which have essential occupancy

in the universe we seek.

our register for confirmation 

falsifies our potential for arrival.

all our potential and prioritized methods of search

need to dry up as if becoming a dry lake bed.

since all of experience, as method, 

is a process of distillation 

without the realization enhancements 

from a method like vaporization, 

as an ongoing process.

where the subsequent result

is eventually condensation as spirit, 

realized as essence.

and we, as such, learn 

from that method of evaporative means.

for we need to metaphorically vaporize 

to realize the sky.

for then to transcend the sky 

to become the heavens. 

and then leave the discourse of heavens, 

or the heavenly discourse,

to be.

we live to be in sensory environment 

where, in the distance,

we hear trains of thoughts 

that we have taken as the now and then,

that historically have taken us 

from here to there

and back

and provide us with the cash of memories

that we spend as our versions 

for the appearances of living.

so, will the universe tell its story 

that science authors?

yet our ‘being-awareness’ is very remote 

from knowing's account.

for where we want to go,

oneness has no audience of listeners . . .

men-tality (haiku) 11/11/19

men wear government

dressed as institutionals

hide their true natures

nonentity in action 11/10/19

help me to help you 

to help me to help you 

to help me to help you

….it’s complicated

overtures of awareness

residing in observations 

spent into conclusions

I thought I was helping

but apparently not

you were just letting me think so

that’s not helping me to help you

maybe it’s just the way of your levity 

that is now meeting up with 

my return face of gloom

I guess I don’t know

how helping works 

for I only know how to assist 

from a distance that never leaves my mind

I am only cooperative in heart

and basically a nonentity in action . . .

my multi-realm glossary 11/9/19

physical is bodily intelligence 

emotional is feeling intelligence 

mental is cognitive intelligence 

psychic is vibrational visceral intelligence

intuitive is vibrational kinesthetic intelligence

inspirational is vibrational heartfelt intelligence

spiritual is vibrational ethereal intelligence

(and they are all happening at the same time!)

no such thing as darkness 11/8/19

there is no such thing as darkness

but there appears to be a lack of light

when the convention of viewing 

assumes its righteous constancy

and makes no sincere effort 

to see into the subtlety around

darkness is a state the viewer assumes

that is not the result of them or their skills

but darkness is actually reflective of the seer 

who lacks clarity 

for what is before them

darkness is a stage name

the real name is clueless

or uncertain or nebulous

in the beholder

therefore the accusation is their claim

but the revelation is 

that they lack the sensitivity to perceive

be it sight or sense or feel or touch

there is no darkness

but in actuality, 

a constant embrace

the dance of separatism

always wants the separatist to lead

when many times the music of subtly 

demands that separate must follow . . .