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Friday, April 15, 2016

Asking for what I want 4/15/16

Asking for what I want couldn’t be a slower way of getting where I really want to go. How dumb could it be? So I did the deconstruction to see. First, I started with “asking’. What is asking? So where did that construct come from and how is it composed? It assumes a dialogue, a sense of have and have not, a desire for, and a someone else to give it to me. Of course there are deeper assumptions there, in that I expect that having it is a payoff, that the it of it will eventually be discovered to be me but not yet or else I already have it within me or my sense of me and that that game of asking is rhetorical in nature as a self premise. So “asking”, is already a working premise of distraction against realizing it is already in me and of me and that maybe I am attempting a style of permission to let it out of me by way of circumstance, props, and dialogue. Okay, next is, “for what”. This puts me in the world of symbols: objects or purposes or matters or a serenade of reasons as to what a “what” might be, as a call out. All of these “whats” are, of course, declared as separate from me and the assumption is that I don’t have or possess whatever that is that is my perception as a “what”. Once again, I have distanced myself with an obsession away from being and work at being selective as a preoccupation to my being in this moment as essentially me. And now the biggie, the “I want” of it all. This “want” is the most confrontative but subversive declaration of all, for it makes a ‘this statement’  into a philosophy for living. The pursuit of “want’ as a way of life, is as a commercialization of desire into objectification as it means. It is epitomized by the concept called the bucket list. But it is a daily practice under the guise of need or completion or even accomplishment. Of course, the begged assumption is that I am lacking and the search and or request is to further complete me by external additions of parts, props, positions, or even agreement. “Asking for what I want” will eventually convert me into a vender, a custodian, a curator, a caretaker, or even a guardian but it won’t give me or take me to me. I will be provocatively preoccupied in presumptions that basically take me away from the discovery of a more essential me. Sure I will get audience involvement and possible approval but essentially I couldn’t be going further away from, in a more diametrically opposing manner, to get to the me that truly exists behind or beneath the “want” nature of me. “Asking for what I want”, although popular in cultural stature, is really an urban myth. I am dependent upon self-inquiry to heal that open wound with self love readily served without the ‘want’ demand and especially not from sharing that utterance!  . . .

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