full attendedness

if all we have are act outs,

I can't really say what means.

for means is an after affect,

as that which strikes a pose.

action took all the secret parts with them,

and they went on their way.

triumphant or troublesome, 

either way, long gone, 

and now, only left a heed, for disclosure,

as cryptics and decipherables, 

presently on display.

we all know that act-outs can't account

for the weave or the tether 

or the miracle of might.

everything is post script.

nobody is there holding hands.

ink is then the blood of the past.

action has its firm grip

and intention drove the human mass.

I just wanted cause 

in its innocence stance,

ice-field, before it turned into glacier,

tree-life, before chainsaw,

sand, before its posture as pseudo glass,

heat, before its bragging rights as thermals.

I wanted to be there for the inception,

where thought stole from think,

where think went out into the vast,

with nothing in mind.

and returned embraced with nothing named,

as just the essence of embodiment unquantified.

to be right there, 

where thought stole from think.

I wanted to be there,

to be at the sunrise of intention,

the next, as new thought,

initiated to partake in the play.

I wanted to be, 

where animation gets its permission,

where the act out first started its hurl,

to know the punchline that act out delivers,

and the secret intimacy of its creation.

I am not saying right here,

that why is ever the cause.

but what, as becoming conscious, 

has its sources.

that's what I am after,

the seed essence of initial-dom,

that which crosses the line, 

from non-existence into living, 

as if real,

who are my parents, 

before the invention of mass and form.

I want heritage,

so that I can withstand the onslaught of time.

some place I can go,

beyond the constant nagging of experience,

someplace without the need of superlatives,

some spaceless space,

some utterance of, 

from a beyond,

that is non-relational, 

as its real,

no boundaries, no referentials, 

no dallies, as if self perceived, 

just in the unaware, 

but the full attendedness 

of the beingness of be . . .