how to find soul worth

to the voluminous storms 

of daily rearrangements,

that now is the prop-fest, 

as in tither-land,

where post major behavior weather 

act-outs 

seem like efforts at destruction.

I can only look up at all of this smooth chaos

as a task-master

and start to name 

the parts of here and there.

surely, I have a sense of order.

but nothing, on this scale, 

has ever registered,

if this is to be my working model.

I have falsely claimed a meaningful life.

what I held as private and sacred

is now just a mystery, 

presented to us all,

as momentos, posing as trivials, 

as parts, 

lacking for the presentation of whole,

in the clarity of this, 

as disaster-art. 

if I have the frame of reference correct,

most people in the surround 

are in private inward mourning.

I find attachment, worthy of rebuke.

I walk around with hidden glee,

assume no loss of life has occurred 

and ponder, 

what are futures of garage-sale worth,

are now becoming, 

free for the taking.

not that there are buyers circling.

but in my mind,

this is all fresh-start bait,

a chapter turn,

better than a name change,

for every day one, noted.

what appears as terribly messy 

on the outside,

feels absolutely respectful,

to my sense of inner worth.

just how crazy, as if opposites attract, 

makes for this morning of madness,

to justify this pleased state of mind?

as if night left me a get-well card

and I am reading from the masterful script,

as a fresh day of new insights,

as a means to risk 

into my future's worth.

I know,

you're thinking insanity,

but I find amusement of this kind

to bring forth 

a sense of soul as worth . . .