self-love present

 

'capable' lobbies for reflection

that assumes that we have a beforehand, 

then for sure, we have a thereafter. 

this is how self-narratives get falsely started.

one becomes a character of self

and a storied account is in the making.

self-audience steals the essence away.

the child of wonder from within 

is lost to a character-assassination account.

this all becomes a massacre 

of meaningfulness,

not living to be but lived to become.

carnage is the self in the making.

worth will be a reflection

but not as an essence existence lived,

more as a primary character 

of oneself to oneself, 

always in the making.

being self-meaningful has its limits 

of connectedness,

once others realize they are but bit players

in every scene of inclusion going forward.

aloneness doesn't grow from this

but eventually makes 

a broad base appearance

that one is alway on the self stage

while the audience becomes more restless 

less attentive in essentially meaningful ways.

proving one's worth surfaces 

without questions,

casting nets of feigned interest 

that seem to fail.

discovering one is a self-franchise 

is an embarrassment.

there is no mirror of self-reflection 

of this kind available.

someone must know of my heart, 

beyond all of this.

and will they please knock 

on my self-blasphemous door,

for my street-sense 

of knowing myself fails me.

kindreds come find me,

for I am the owner of a foreign self at hand.

I want to give up my self-ownership

for a small pittance of self as presence.

'capable' is a contesting premise 

from within,

as self-doubt harnessed into self-dialogue 

as diatribe. 

I am wound, self-inflicted, but in surmise.

re-premise me with stare-down presence.

no lip-service needed, 

just etheric in embrace.

no more to be what I claimed as meant

but now just to be what comes through

rather then how can I come to display.

'capable' is a nose-ring of ego distraction

as in self-doubt gaining initiative 

to prove one's worth

is false clarity spread amongst those around.

until the feedback 

becomes stultified aloneness,

as if a clearing made deeply evident 

upon me,

grievously explored in self-ignorance.

so, re-premise me with clear eyes.

see through and into.

make my admittance a surrender to within.

recognize me from beyond this predicament.

allow me my first steps of innocence 

as light shown upon you

from the very essence of my being.

let me be self-love present.

to, and through to you, 

is my heartfelt plea . . .