co-dependency

I am codependent 

on the thoughts I think.

they were fine as think

but then, 

they somehow became thoughts.

they registered in some way, 

with carriage.

as think, 

it was all drive-bys, 

as if in a car, 

staring out at images in passing.

maybe going thirty-five, at best.

slow enough to get impact, 

but too fast,

to actually conger.

but once we hit the thought zone,

it's like gridlock on what's all around.

what I am staring at, 

is besieging me

and registers as stare-down thoughts,

then thoughts about those thoughts.

lines form,

as logic becomes a parking lot.

I am at the storefront of next moments,

in an anticipation, 

as if next thoughts will be a purchase item,

a need, 

to satiated with thoughts, 

as answers.

I have a self

and then I have this relationship.

I can't get out of my head, literally.

it feels like a codependency,

but I can't admit to it.

like who would I tell,

when it is sitting right there,

inside of me, 

listening to what I have to say?

sure it will deny everything about this

or at least claim, 

this is all just in your head.

and that there is nothing real about this,

actually going on.

I'd have to invent a second me,

to present this situation of the first me.

and now it gets even more complicated. 

at least I have some privacy with this.

and we have each other in this way.

I am sad, 

for what I am losing out on,

but basically rich,

in that I have someone to share this all with.

it is such an intimacy,

that few would ever deny.

I just can't get over how compelling it is.

and how much is taken up 

in feeling this way, 

for myself.

I really like and adore think,

but thought has taken hold

as a third party 

in a menage sort of setting.

and now,

I am a household of three,

disguised as one . . .