when I heard this sound,
a sound within easy sensory range,
kind of low and volatile,
a rumbling sort of sound,
mistaken possibly for a heavy machinery sound
yet it was aching and moaning,
not just a grumbling,
so to start the initial listening.
there was a first take
as a measure to conclude about it.
but then it continues to move ever-changing
both by vibration
and by internal loudness heard.
then comes my re-experience.
first, comparisons to see what it is
and then where this is going,
for it keeps on moving,
moving in, deeper and deeper.
pitch somewhat altered
but not higher or noticeably lower,
just richer and more thorough in its sound.
it gets louder but not really.
maybe paid more attention to it
as it moves in ways sound usually does not.
with further intention,
the experience becomes more refined.
the impression becomes stronger.
comparisons start to uselessly fall away.
it becomes a sound unlikened to others
yet still unique but less in a comparative way.
and then it reaches the edge of my hearing’s capacity.
my experience has never been out this far with sound.
I’ve lost track of directional source and distance from.
it becomes like no other sound I’ve ever heard.
not louder, not deeper,
possibly like non-locational but everywhere.
there is a place in hearing
where one is safe from and yet with the sound
as one hears the sound as separate to them.
but this sound crossed that border.
this sound was now coming out of and through me.
irrationally, this was a potential death threat to me.
is this the way I will die?
from sort of the overwhelm of sound?
I am drowning from the inside out.
I have to accept this death of me
as I know myself to be
to continue with this sound
or die by its execution.
easy in that moment
to choose to die into the unclaimed bliss of it.
and so, for a very short time,
I relinquished my sense of being,
figuring I was in some sense of death-passage.
but then the sound reappeared within me.
and now I was not the same listener.
I was an ocean of hearing.
I was all cells of me listening.
listening was so closely intimate within me
that I was that sound of itself.
I had a recognition
beyond who I knew myself previously to be.
there was actual carriage as my person
but not as the person I knew from before.
I was interplanetary.
my mind was calmly sizzling.
experience had never been this whole before
and the sound continued to move as if to intensify.
I was short lived in this state,
just enough to glimpse the divinity
but not enough to be grounded.
it still moved upon me from within.
and again I had another death,
a soft beneficent passing,
only to once again arrive,
transcended to a deeper more expandedness.
one without original thoughts
just streaming as if the hum was through me.
but not a me by any previously known means.
a me beyond the sense of life and death,
a me by quantum measures,
not contained in the mind.
it was the unknowable story of life in the now,
without the reflection of past or future
and certainly not measurable any more.
an opening beyond accountability
without comparative truth at hand
and blessed with an ongoingness.
only to realize, no more death,
no more the experience to savor,
no more witness to the fact
just am and vibrationally made whole.
essence that has no need for answers.
not in the frame of the grossness of experience.
taken to heart without time dimension’s remark.
so to say:
kind of like what we were
before we came to be physical mass.
it is that which sings loudly in apparent silence
beyond our sensory means.
it is not as if a memory
but always a means for me,
of heart filled entry.
and it all started
just as the sound of a gong,
serendipitously played to tune me . . .
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