being well beyond 11/6/18

you have a deeper resident witness

than your act-out ever presents.

a constant inner dialogue 

that must, from time to time

surface into words

said to oneself

almost as if overheard.

like you are not formally in that room

but on occasion, almost at a table near by,

there is this overhearing

of the self taking about the self.

you fall into a curious state of being

like life is going on

and then there is this living 

working with you

but not so much as to interfere. 

like why am I not always in the room,

in that discussion,

part of those observations wholly involved?

why do you only get snippets,

one liners, sort of overheard?

you know they are about you

like you have a hidden agenda of being

but can’t quite land it on the planet.

is it that you don’t trust yourself enough

to be there in the first person all the time?

sure you get that reality is distracting

or at least attention grabbing most of the time

maybe you cater to that more than you admit too.

it seems you can’t be in both places

at the same time as a working premise.

did you invent that also?

you even know you have a feel for it, 

almost constantly.

but some part of you gets into override

and outer reality is sensory stimulating

and on auto-aware.

if you are like me,

then it is like you are unconsciously journaling

but don’t seem to notice

except on these peculiar moments

when a drive-by inner conversation

catches your attention.

it is beyond curious, I know and you know

but seemingly out of reach.

we each get excerpts, tidbits, little morsels

and then the ever so soft of a sigh.

we feel out of alignment 

but very privately so.

it isn’t like answers comes

and everything is solved.

it is a deeper scope 

and a bigger lay of the self land

yet to be fully explored.

something is vaster 

but don’t have a clue as how to grasp.

all it seems we can do 

is lean in, absorb, expand,

and be witness 

with a more profound sense of cause.

no surety, nothing to claim

but inner openness 

and to witness,

as if we were from before we currently are

and planning on being well beyond . . .