the leverage of intentions 4/6/20

the leverage of intentions,

is that like a gravity of influence in place?

is that something with an inspirational composition

that has a draw to it

and one is magically attracted?

is it fully backed by a sense of order,

a need for timeline discipline, 

and the positive benefits of act-out procedures?

what exactly is the force behind intentions?

is this how the narrative gains groundedness?

is this the private coloring book of each person

in need of the crayons of action to validate experience?

daydreams can be floaty and go nowhere

but intentionality gives a kind of sanctified permission,

like a checklist for future actions to occur.

for spontaneity and impulsiveness,

it's hard to make that list.

maybe being creative doesn't make that list either.

intention seems to have a scheme to things in mind.

maybe as the outcrop of strategies or means to an end.

intentionality is definitely an in-the-crosshairs technique,

and the mind is consciously the inline on-task director.

there are times when intentions seem to be 

of someone else within me.

like I don't really care but some part of me does.

and they seem to demand and get center stage.

like did I really want intentional attention to take charge?

it sometimes feels like a recruitment of within.

like the nervous system is enrolled without me knowing.

I feel like I am taking up 

and now I have a front row view

with direct objectives in mind.

and all of this is happening to me, as me.

I really don't know how to excuse myself to myself.

intention doesn't seem debatable.

it has its entourage within me

and they align almost secretly.

then it all appears within me 

and the rest of me is baggage on the journey.

I could be on the train of me

or the plane of me 

for how it initially feels.

like my resistance has no topic to anchor with

and therefore no leverage to account for.

in some ways, I would say, 

it is all very subtle but very constant.

it is a lifestyle of hapless awareness of this.

intention has leverage

and I am somehow just modeling clay,

ready to be molded into and by 

the actions of the day.

what has happen to my life 

before intention got a hold on me?

it seems so ever and intentionally ongoing? . . .