now is a pillbox 1/21/20

for us, now is a pillbox.

defended from inquiry,

unapproachable by obvious means.

its secret compartment is unaccessible.

we have no explanation to get to its means.

it seems to be hidden in plain sight.

can't get to it or get around it.

we are prisoners of its taunting presence

but not really availed by its know-how.

it exists for us as the eternal carrot

and we are the ever-horse in tow.

all of our methods just keep us in line.

the more we are all horse,

the more carrot is ever the attractive glow.

it's more than just a nut to crack

but beyond our tool-skills to do.

now is a land beyond experience's grasp

but we want weekend passes provided.

it's the great invisible mountain in our days

but also readily in plain overshadowing view.

now provides weather as climate,

mass as relatable,

next moments in passing.

and yet, now….

inscrutably enigmatic,

incomprehensibly undefined,

a towering blatantness in disguise.

I am damned to ignore 

but duped to pursue.

why is now such an open door policy

that denies entry so thoroughly 

and apparently complete.

now hurts me by absence. 

I am a forever-wound in yearning to.

now is the god of my dreams,

the ever-presence, 

just outside my sensory range to partake.

the eternal wisdom with nothing to say,

the stimulus to my every response.

I am a life of inquiry

without a language that works,

without a mind of integrative as embrace,

and a heart that crosses over that line

but now won't tell me how . . .