understanding will bury me 10/3/19

I exist far beyond understanding’s grasp

yet understanding is the wardrobe I wear. 

in my awake world demeanor, 

I live as the metaphor on my existence

by how I account for being.

I stuff myself into words and parade them as story

and fill each day with literal and logic.

none of which creates a deeper sense of being

but all falls prey to a mindfulness of display.

essence never appears to surface

and no language is current with its presence.

if I could be heartfelt and mindless

that would be an approach to what I mean to say.

there is no separateness in existence

yet we pride our way by appearing as such.

our lives are the paraphernalia of self consciousness.

we lobby as a consciousness steadfast and retained.

but as for evolving, almost any other species 

is more to the task of that embrace then we.

I am a candle burning of light

but I cannot see by the rays I provide.

I live by the wax puddles I produce.

we are then all relevant puddles 

to each other’s surmise.

I want to be saved 

from the vat of existence as such.

I am of no future or past.

now is a joke I tell myself quite privately

but can’t get current with the evocative laughter.

I am a beside myself person.

I have no truth that I can share by words.

we make mention of our energetics 

when they display.

that display then becomes the business of living

that we rarely come to know 

beyond just understanding.

this is a trial run for all of us.

yet we can not be living for results

but instead for the dynamics in play 

beyond what knowing gets us.

I am empty with knowledge

yet full of the energy 

that passes through this now.

experience can never be the now

and so why do I have it as my account?

I am where language can never go.

I meet you there often

but we have nothing further to say.

we are rich that way

and wisdom, as the paparazzi, 

never catches even a glimpse.

the conundrum builds for the establishment.

we are forever the collapse 

of account and remembrance.

I live the energetics alive

and die with every recall admitted.

understanding will bury me

and my grave will only be remembrance . . .