separate from notice 3/13/20

I feel really separate

from where notice works in me

I make it search for me

scamper around in the inward declarative

nudge my nervous system into a subtle alert

make my eyes sort of stare out at whatever

before there is a focus demand that registers

and there is the now involuntary-name-it demand

like recognition needs to bark at it

for me to summon some sort of word tag

to associate with what seeing offers

as if notice has this as a formal approach

noticing has such tedium as monotony to it

I feel hand dragged into awareness

maybe it's that I don't like the separate-from approach

it just keeps reminding me as separate defined

and what do I get from notice?

well, it doesn't get me connected and immersed in it

it just gets more names and more locations

and of the separate but surround of it all

a prison is like that also

in that I am surrounded by all things imposing

I'm not one with anything

just me before notice creates this occupancy

I feel without the need for content

I expand without naming

I have a language of uninterrupted embrace

and then notice happens

and matter over-demonstrates by way of notice

it's all so heavy-handed

I don't want to say that they are mutually exclusive

but notice is so out of touch with what I feel

not that I don't feel for or with what notice provides

but it is not the same

not even close to being the same

notice seems to want to steal the energy of things

like I am supposed to pilfer for riches from notice

notice gets me appearances there of

notice indirectly declares the distance between us

and makes that seem satisfactory and sane

sure, fine, but not to me

I wanted to be the mountain

and not spend my life walking around it, tourist style

I guess, in some strange way

notice seems like a bad technique to be using

it's such a dismissal by means

it's constantly impressing me

with how I am not connected to anyone or anything

but am hell bent on association 

by some sensory convenience that lives on

as a version of our relatedness

notice is a self composition I don't want

I wanted the self of oneness

where expression is alignment at worst

and oneness ever expressed onwardly

I have a life before notice

but reality is in a constant denial process

nevertheless feel takes me to there

and nothing ever gets in the way . . .