why a self

self is all shadow in math.

what's computational is logic defined.

I want breezy as my personal chalkboard.

anything notational then 

is whimsically scrawled. 

once sensibility got gems and rings,

all of emotional sanity had gone south.

I wanted to listen to songs, 

that haven't been written for audience ears.

I wanted lyrics yet unspoken

and melodies in need of emotional carriage.

if I had that life,

I would come to it.

I know that dead-speak can actually talk,

but I would question 

the audience's understanding.

conversation, at that level of involvement,

takes on properties 

usually assigned to the insane.

but that part of me and I, do converse,

as if lifetimes come and go,

as characters generated and deceased.

and I am of carriage, 

living beyond what belief has to offer.

I am not wisdom in surmise.

I realize that self is all shadow,

and that I am drawn to and from,

the light of the sun.

I take on oxygen on as a wardrobe 

for being physically manifest.

I don't doubt my presence as such.

but this is not the homeland.

neither is being in physical mass.

I am essentially of a language 

that takes no time 

for its communiques to occur.

what is there is here 

and has no claim of existence as a 'there'.

please help me to understand,

why self is all shadow

yet continues to matter . . .