What is happening

what is happening

if this is happening to you?

well if a sound could be

much like a liquid state

and you could feel

like drowning in it,

would it be something

so viscerally enveloping

but yet not really

an ordinary audio sound

or maybe it would be just

a vibrational weightiness

with surround

sound-like qualities

that could cause this,

a sustained tremoring,

from deep with in your body

to be more thorough

yet subtler

than just a trembling,

well either way,

what would that be?

for me

it was like a drowning

in emotional liquidity

pouring from the heart

puzzling yet inside out

and if my nerves could swim

they should have

but they panicked

as an overwhelm of feelings

in the suddenness of a flashflood.

and when this originally happened

just then

a kind of shock took over

somehow regulated

and from deep inside,

a seldom-heard speaker

who I knew to be in there,

deep inside of me,

began to respond.

while the swirl and rise

have ascended to a fever pitch

and the high water mark

of any previous experience

has been reached,

a now

so worthy of response

and more so

like the imposing factors

of a near death encounter

that allows heightened senses

to all cue up

to beyond the normal range

of sensory intake

and whatever had been

generally perceived as

safe distances

such as say . . .

cynical or cavalier or blasé,

well, they were all vanished

and this now spoke.

it spoke

from beyond words of summary

which were swiftly floating by

as stale hors d’oeuvres.

it spoke

from beyond where

words of recognition

and self repose

were now

just side-comments

of vanquished familiarity

departing

away from the muted

but shimmering main course.

not one of these other voices

in my head were seated

and yet they were all earnestly

and vigorously treading along

in this vortex of suspense.

ironically

there may have been

a final cruel chicanery to this

as well as

a blessedly unexpected christening

by but both review and revelation.

but I am prematurely splitting hairs

to say this is so.

I as this reporter

am unavoidably

tweezed and plucked.

there is a memory pileup

without completion

that I want to perceive

as gridlock

but it as this voice of now

wants to point out

exactly where I lived in the past

while this heightened newness

of voice

reveals deeper reservoirs

of self to sense

and then to self identify.

all of this,

the familiar towards conclusions

and the newly discovered

that vastly approaches

from all directions,

are simultaneously overlaid

one upon another

as mingling,

is simply out of control

and owning my attention

which is somehow

inadvertently and unavoidably

along as the ride.

it hurts.

expectations are bruised.

conclusions have fat lips

and assumptions

may have sustained concussions

upside their bobbing heads.

it feels great.

I hardly know anyone

within hearing myself distance

that well.

introductions seem to be in order

but every one

of those other voices

is all too familiar

except for this one

that has escorted me

all of this way

in some strange withholding way,

as of now,

if there is any serious damage,

I cannot prove it

nor do I care to.

I have no one

to interrogate or question.

this is all done

without directives or expletives.

maybe serenity is sloppy

somewhat like this.

I am not imagining

a condensed version for later

and I am not sending postcards

if this is an extended stay.

this is more than

just visitation rights

yet I don’t think ownership

or living in

as concepts applies.

my words for this

come from way later.

I might have reviewed this

thirty times before now

but I am not saying this

anecdotally either.

if you can

buzz yourself up and in

whatever is out there

is really an inside job.

I feel like

I stole from myself

what riches were needed

for living it alive.

and I won’t turn myself in.

and even if you wanted to

nobody would believe

what I just got done

telling you.

look take yourself

on a running leap

to the end

of whatever you perceive

as the pier

and off.

know that body of liquidity

is grand

and deeper and vaster

than you normally swim in

and know that your spirit floats

and reality is a form of panic

towards drowning.

so in some way

less obvious

than walking on it

swim along

and let the current of life

from within it

take you

where you need to go.

now, what-is-happening

is all wet with aliveness

and you effortlessly float.