while meaning gets a life

how did meaning get a life of its own?

we were secret friends through childhood, 

sort of.

I mean, 

well mean, means to speak for me then.

mean had answers to questions,

appropriates for all mosts,

and always a means to an end.

it was like an invisible identical twin,

who knew way more than I

and handled all of the whereabouts,

the whatnots 

and the what-to-dos.

I sort of had a free ride going.

it handled social occasions,

eating outs,

conversations with elders,

even play time protocols.

and I had invisible free time 

to wander within.

I had feasibles without answers,

what ifs that never got shared,

plausibles that weighed on me in passing,

phantasmagoricals that filled my inner screen,

absurdities that seemed almost natural,

freak un-occurrences that made my day

and wonderfully, meaning kept to itself.

meaning was on the right path

and I just flew along.

at some point along this way,

I started to feel that meaning was naive, 

that meaning was a brown-noser,  

surely knew, the way and the ropes,

but seriously,

a prison life with all the benefits.

we haven't really ever parted ways,

but I spend much more time away.

meaning still covers my tracks,

appropriates when needed,

efficiently acts out the cover.

some but few are suspect.

rarely somebody leans in to my other world.

but they, when successful, cover with code.

it's like being from another planet,

here on assignment.

what purpose has not been made clear.

but there is ongoing intake

and sensory awareness, 

out of normal reach for sensible usage,

dimensions that can't be claimed, 

occurrences that language can't handle,

feelings that seem fluid to me

but are not commonly shared.

meaning is such a naturally cultured person.

if the situation was reversed,

I don't sense I would be as good at cover

as meaningful is.

meaningful is right sense, right purpose,

efforts at right action,

given its limited range of being operative.

meaning is absolute,

somewhat ever childlike, 

not naive in a real world sense

but sincere, wide-eyed, 

sort of forthright

and absolutely consumed with being that.

how I got to be a tang-along,

no real clarity, no evidence in proof.

yes, meaningful will die.

that will be shocking to me.

but then, I will ultimately 

be free to go . . .