Tourettes of the mind

 

what is the cutting edge of 'could you really?',

when you have gotten to the premiere  

of decision's result?

is there ever a nanosecond of consideration 

for something else?

is this the consequence 

of what linear thought proposes,

that there is no turning back,

that decision is in fact the leap

even though in time,

there is still more time,

before the act-out takes premise?

is the momentum of decision so intent

that there is no calling back,

no potential for stall-point intervention,

no otherwise mind query that instigates 

and subsequently presents,

even in the imminence of release 

into physical action?

does the inner experience of decision 

seem so strong as to finalize 

what action maybe taken?

personally, I have experience-decision override,

where some other force from within

grabs the reigns 

of decision's attempt at pronouncement

and sets off quite differently,

to my apparent self in surprise.

so who was that?

and do they, who they are,

just sit in overwatch 

from more deeply within.

and if and when

do they take the reigns, when needed,

over this ritual that I consciously use,

which I call a decision?

is this just merely from brain-time show

as if I am prepared to decision-defend 

if needed be?

when actually, decision is just a defense mechanism

to use when in the custody of another's inquiry?

like I am really a self in authorship

but I need an editor to proof read 

before I go public with my sense of being?

so how do I question that part of me

that is in refinement,

past my sense of self I can claim?

can we be in dialogue?

is this past 

what I am apparently capable to understand?

is this where destiny comes from

but I am just the act-out needed?

and how did my dumb get its relevance 

in the first place?

no, I am being sincere in questioning.

I just seem to be possessed with an innocence 

to dimensions that otherwise don't appear

in this human phase.

this is definitely without adequate instructions provided.

and decision making 

now seems outrageously overbearing.

why did we invent this technique to start with?

it's definitely a mind ritual 

that I might have learned.

it sort of gets me through the day

but not everything is decision pronounced.

lots of the time, it's sort of a flow,

where there is no prominence 

that forms as decision time.

decision is like a form to honor 

in defense there of.

I may have initiated decision 

to defend against my doubts.

but how did doubt get to be in existence?

is this, as my innocence,

having to honor 

what I don't align with or fully understand?

and therefore I make up a pretend 

as an environment within which

decision has a righteous existence?

so I decision as a limp

for an injury I don't remember really happening.

but it did and therefore I do.

I now make decisions

as if in fear and protection there of.

decisions feel like walking upstream with intention,

when really all I ever really wanted was flow.

I wanted life as an expression of flow.

I don't really want the decisions of drivenness.

I wanted the intimacy of drawnness prevailing.

sure, decisions may mindfully exist for their reasons

but not as my prominence of existence.

if I have to have decisions,

may they be

of passion seeking expression

or for the art-fullness of inclusion 

and so much less about the overbearance of self concern.

decision is such a nervous tick of the mind.

it's a form of Tourettes, 

as if we all had it 

as a mind syndrome . . .