all is

 

so I climbed into my ivory tower.

every breath forward, 

a step in ascendency,

trading gravity for earnestness,

enclosure for revealing expandedness,

higher elevation for deeper intimacy,

inner focus for a lighted path, 

going upward,

all of my past experience, 

for the immerse of this moment,

any history haunting me, 

for this imminence coming my way.

every brick I pass 

reveals a deeper silence spoken.

every step upward taken 

is a surrender completing me.

all of my sightedness becomes revelation

as the horizon line surrounding me,

places flowers at my feet.

earth's curvature 

became a facial of serenity.

all the stones in passing 

now become my wings.

what mood was sky 

becomes my feeling state.

every outward glance is nurturance 

sent my way.

I am now, what passes through me 

as embrace.

no more the life of particulars 

to set me apart.

confluence gestures this motion 

of coming into the all.

what self sense was, has left 

from what me there was for then.

this climb and the tower itself,

now, just verbiage as exhaust.

all is, as it was. 

but now,

not a future dreamt in doubt . . .

coloring

 

I have an emotional coloring book

made out of everything you say.

I crayon over other crayon marks.

I scribble nervousness out of me.

I press hard, 

wishing I had words to say back.

not sure at times,

where the pages end 

and the floor continues to invite me.

you make my hands cramp

from internal state of laughter and delight.

so many colors cross my being.

I don't make images,

but I live for the strokes that come.

pages scatter, 

as if they were never bound.

luckily, I don't work in charcoal,

for the darkness 

would be too much from beyond.

crayons are what my emotions knead.

I am a fistful of heartthrobs unceasingly.

without any of this,

I would be a nervous wreck.

but you are,

as the vocal images

and I then fill in the blanks . . .

awareness with seek all over it

all acts that seek awareness,

reside from within, 

before the mental manifests.

that which postures or gestures

is only follow through.

while significance 

has already become the brew,

some has mindfulness as though forthright.

some have intuition 

as lightening putting on a show.

some have emotional embodiment 

as stage presence.

some have a channeled sense of trust, exhibited.

in each case, exterior circumstance 

does not override.

each weave of thoughtform entry 

has multi-dimensional inferred.

nuance approaches 

before certitude can make claims.

this embrace occurs, 

that has no surfaces presenting.

words can never fully express

but tonality can offer 

substantial assistance.

awareness of this kind, 

has no audience perspective,

as immersion goes well beyond 

what is an embrace.

no one, as a participant, 

goes in for awareness as gain or loss.

self-discovery revels, 

reveals and possibly rejoices. 

awareness was thought to be observational

but truly one has to leave 

its conclusionary status

and bathe beyond elixir.

remedy or solution 

is a false premise of entry.

to witness the full presence of being

is like realizing that every maple tree

is a puzzle-piece assembly.

and the puzzle will be complete 

the moment 

the last puzzle piece leaf is in place,

as gravity essentially assigns 

that every leaf is upon the ground.

it's masterful, as if from the unknown,

complex beyond time impending.

it's an awareness, 

with seek, 

present, all over it . . .

how interesting works

how interesting works,

as if attention is its own sensory means,

yet sometimes using the actual senses 

for introduction.

sometimes drop-thoughts occur

in the grandest of internal scans.

habitually fixation occurs, 

as if a form of recognition.

etheric images are seeking labeling.

sometimes, visual shorthand will override.

and mostly, all in appearance, 

remains nameless,

but otherwise accounted for.

yet interest goes heat seeking.

some carriage of fixation prolongs.

import leads to impress.

the herding of language soon follows.

there is the attack of nouns,

then the scurry of verbs,

as if recognition 

is a formative of necessity.

interest invisibly holds all of this, 

at a somewhat phasey gun point,

as if hands that grab. 

the topic, put into ongoing frame.

interest is so invisibly automatic.

so how to witness interest

without the succumb? 

as if investigating the detective,

without giving away the intention.

to become knowledgable of the means,

without falsifying the secret intent.

to know the how of the means,

without self-sabotage overriding.

as if 'what' is the how

of the means of interesting,

yet to bite the hands that feeds . . .  

still notice

I've noticed

the same, on repeat,

all day long.

the way I perceive the world around,

the sensory log reporting,

like a ship at far away sea,

secretly hoping for a rogue wave,

an albatross sighting.

movement on the awareness web,

as if my sensory diet 

is supposedly nutritious, 

like my acuity is challenged every moment.

I am my own drug ingesting itself.

and monotony is the ever outcome.

so I've noticed.

so who is that of me in appraisal

and what are they to the me on auto?

there must be a deeper on switch 

inside me.

some self of driver, 

that doesn't function by sensory means.

some director of deeds,

some seer of the beyond coming,

some way of release and revival.

why won't notice also take me there?

to that of me that is destined.

to that of me that escapes the habitual.

to that of me that has even keel,

as if I am the connectedness, 

through this all 

of circumstance expressing.

I got a call in

to a deeper self of me.

so can we talk?

I mean, I need a pep-talk.

some sense of edginess in earnest,

some sense of scale beyond the obvious.

we'll just say, a calling,

if that is what this has to mean.

give me a surge,

a rage of unidentifiable feeling,

that leverages the boredom

out of my day,

a way of adventure, 

featuring the mundane.

as crazy as that sounds,

make it so.

I don't want perception to be my demise.

I don't want conclusions at my gravesite. 

give me invisible wit, 

or phantasmagorical in micro doses daily.

something to sip on,

while meaningful is placidly abundant.

I would gladly keep secret,

a sense for crazy wisdom perspective.

surely I would as before, 

still notice,

but secretly, 

be abundantly self-supplied . . .

self-authorship speaks

a cloud-bank of feelings,

yet unnamed.

a lawn-fill of leaf-fall, 

from unknown sky-searching trees. 

such memories in passage,

timeline unknown.

thicks of awareness,

not fully discerned.

the ongoing life of a lighthouse,

excusing itself through daylight hours.

only knowing of myself,

from memory's incessancy.

journeying the crosswalks of life,

as perceived dependencies. 

wanting for the makeup kit, 

that the sky unceasingly uses.

want for the wardrobe of weather,

before its mood is overstated.

want for meaning to have its moment,

like a lake, living in stream passage.

living for the enterprise of awareness,

as if at a garage-sale of curiosity. 

laments, having their mirror-time

as self-authorship speaks it peace . . .

to beyond 'the where'

to beyond the where,

is to have the most sincere sense 

of interest, 

as verifiably non topical.

all of our attention is paid 

onto the sheer of emptiness 

and its subsequent refinement.

focusing is the discovering 

of having no audience perspective,

or bystanders skills needed.

all it is, 

is boundary-less by any sensory means.

the scope offered differentiates embrace.

the sense of being enters 

as unceasing immersion.

human mindfulness is basically 

a translation offered 

or a reduction summated.

all of time-skills do not qualify 

or quantify as a means.

connectivity pervades, 

if experience is not a method

of a comprehension means.

the medium is namelessness 

and its movement 

is of an incessant constancy.

where memory fashions a method 

of complete distraction.

now has no edginess 

and yet functions as currency.

it is only the work of mindful retention 

that works towards aspects of languaging.

it is only nothingness 

that falls prey 

to a sense of inner relevancy.

substantiation is an enduring aspect 

of a method of distraction.

preoccupation with particulars 

is a form of indecency expressed.

release from confinement-awareness

cannot be taken as a mastery skill.

everything, in the format of presentation, 

is only hearsay, 

made bystander obvious.

everything that is, 

is to be beyond particle presentation 

is, in essence, 

beyond the top 

of the metaphorical mountain, 

beyond the notion 

of the infinitesimal atom, 

beyond any conceptual representation 

of beingness. 

where wearing witnessing, 

is a form of personalized abuse.

and all of this, 

that I've had to say, 

is said 

upon leaving to beyond,

'the where' 

well past, 

the end of the road.