if sex is the act-out

if sex is the act-out,

the intimate broadway show,

the unwritten diary entries,

the endpoint imaging both past and future,

then what is the source point engendered?

yes, beyond hormonal, 

beyond culturally endowed,

beyond the metaphor of gender at play,

what is the deep currency of being,

that lays there hidden where within,

that wants for the energetics 

to come to display,

the seek that surfaces for the satisfy,

but reveals a deeper source 

to self than identity,

a wave current passing through one's being

that doesn't name itself in passage

but can reoccur there upon in many forms.

some times, then in dreams, 

as an energy driving,

some times as an out of place memory flash,

some times as a quantum beyond self 

but realized.

that eventually sex is realized 

as energetic passages

spoken in code as the messenger to another.

and yet self, as decipherer, 

may still be a lost art.

was sex to speak of the heart?

was sex to express from the self's unknown?

was sex to legitimize one's being 

as a groundedness?

sex to a yawn to a sneeze,

where does meaningfulness end?

was sex supposed to be the tent of intimacy?

was I supposed to watch people play 

the checkers of sex

and learn about the psychology 

of their being?

was heart supposed to surface 

as sexually called upon?

what was the story to tell 

and the means of sex to say?

when the curtain rises of sexual experience, 

who is the actor of self

and who is in the audience of self 

that learns?

is sex actually an appendage 

of the conscious mind?

where human endeavor artfully displays

possibly its pathos unintentionally

and its ravenous ecstasy 

using the same instrument? 

what a baffling language we sexually speak.

from realized blossom, 

to ripe fruit presence,

and eventually back to seed.

waiting for another lifetime of rendering,

flowering, flourishing, 

and contemplative reprieve. 

so if sex is the act-out

then where within is

who is the author of this show(?) . . .