'had to'

'had to' is a self-inquisition,

as if you only have self-wealth, 

to rob yourself when you can.

deprivation can be done in earnest,

but the big picture motivationally used,

is filled with undisclosed bleak.

'had to' ordains 

a kind of self-imprisonment, 

a willfulness self-imposed upon,

an almost military mindset 

but self induced, 

as if none the wiser.

'had to' is a judgment exercise,

without in-depth comprehension 

or adequate self-compassion.

'had to' lacks self-levity and inspiration.

it is a form of self torture,

without any obvious moving parts,

just tedium in action,

the camouflage of self in abuse.

'had to' has the life of a self-directive,

into the oblivion of what for or why.

all of the color spectrum of living

is dampened 

by the grey-scale 'had to' offers.

at some point the coloration of life

is varying shades of grey.

'had to' has all surface imposing

but little of self-inquiry.

'had to' has little pain in a dull way,

while the suffering impedes 

a meaningful life.

'had to' is a manful way of thinking it out,

a lack of depth in the course work of living.

'had to' is a control language term.

so if you can't really inspire

or be self-inspired,

at least you can implore a 'had to',

as an adequate justification rule.

but imagine a world without 'had to'

and the implications resulting

in meaningful connectedness 

to live by . . .