when thoughts come

when thoughts come,

what do I do with understand?

meaning attempts to negotiate.

it's a fast shuffle.

looks and feels like a blur.

I am a lazy timeframe

to witness with acuity. 

but damn, there is a skillset back there.

a witness to this process happening.

none of this is originally me.

I am a casual spectator to what arises.

sure I say,

and pass as that person. 

who thought this to be so? 

but all of that that comes,

surely with senses' override. 

but still, after that process

of naming everything in a worldly sense,

there is other business.

sort of the how of it all

or the speculative of its method or existence.

there was a time,

by massive social training,

that I was responsible

for what came out of my mouth.

I had to be able to back it up,

by some sort of sensibility and logic.

and therefore speech was reserved for proper,

even thought attempted to organize as such.

much was pre-said before launched out loud.

that conditioning became profound,

as a false guardianship of self-sanity.

I was my own mouth-crossing guard.

but then it happened.

those that do my thought were on their own.

I was just the emcee presenting

in a whole other world of others.

we all had are formalisms in training

and were limited in our conversational accounts.

but then it happened.

I said something unprepared.

I said thoughts I hadn't really heard before.

I said what I too had to listen to understand.

how did understand get moved

from pre-talk to post-listen?

I am just an intermediary 

between what thought becomes what means.

I am now audience to my own self,

yet more formalized within

and not socially governed.

I come to comprehend say

rather than say what I have comprehended.

it functions in a distinctly different timeline way.

there is a spontaneity, 

as if being the paint to the canvass

rather than looking at the canvass thereafter.

I genuinely feel closer to source,

to the magic, to the generative

and less proper and respectful in post-knowing.

I wanted say before it got all dressed up.

not so much inner mirror,

looking for pre-delivery views.

I wanted the intimacy of fresh from the oven.

I wanted curiosity with better technique 

than proper approach and appearance.

this made language seem like shoes worn

and I wanted barefoot thought.

I didn't want topic 

as a respectful neighborhood jaunt.

I wanted thoughts without spacial consideration.

I didn't need sequential-ness to proceed.

to hell with linearity as means.

it seems I have many levels going off in there.

and yet, I am seduced into orderly thematics.

I wanted thought, that when said, 

challenged me to outright otherwise comprehend.

sort of discovery made

after said was done.

and further insight in mental retention gained.

now, daringly,

what was so respected in the zoo of the mind

is now way more natural, 

left to the mind of the wild . . .