if I am looking for,
say, searching for transcendence,
I hired the wrong of me,
for doing such.
I went for purpose and a directedness.
I claimed a mindful approach
with its watching and ongoing commentary.
that me had a right and a wrong to work with.
it had expectations that it was out there,
in front of my approaching manner.
it had to be more than what was said,
it to be.
and yes, I had it that it was an it
or of itness.
only to discover, eventually,
itness, as a concept, made my approach impossible.
I could only experience viewership, at best.
to come back to me here
with terms that had elegant wings,
a learned ability to watch sensuousness in flight.
but transcendence, in the flesh?
not so much, not even a word of translation.
okay, so that approach was only chasing one's tail.
surely, I continued to long for, wain in hindsight,
even have flashbacks that reminded me
of now I don't know what,
but the energy was there,
maybe as a faintness of an essence of being,
some long sensuous stream of thought
that came from a golden mountain,
where rain touched the gods and then descended.
some composite of dimensions
beyond left, right and center,
beyond experience as its formal demise.
some state beyond breath's regulatory demean,
where I disrobe from the linearity,
leave the vacuum of three-dimensional fullness
and vacate the occupancy of selfdom.
I certainly have the script of leaving, down,
but actually none of the words,
the seeds, the neurons, the atoms,
the concepts beyond nucleus, nuclears,
whatever as so specified.
if truth was in the form of energy,
that's what I think I need.
actually that was stupid to say.
well not that all say isn't fundamentally stupid.
but let's just have that,
as a given, assumed.
so stupid to say.
because I now realize
that to want to experience transcendence
is already a disqualifier.
like I would go there as a experiencer,
and gain what?
a spectator's eyeful?
a whole body overwhelm?
and then I would come back here
with a first hand account?
that is what I would get?
no, I want transcendence,
beyond fallback account.
just go, be there, and gone.
no return flight.
no bucket-list check mark.
no superior life experience.
zip, just open gate,
enter fully,
leave as in resolve,
be absolved, absorbed
and dissolve.
while in the flutter
of experiential dust,
in its conventional fallback mode.
and I had it that transcendence
was a concept,
mindfully worth pursuing! . . .
No comments:
Post a Comment