expectation as reward

expectation is the mosaic 

of what we thought we had coming. 

now broken, 

scattered on the floor 

of what had become.

visually pieces linked to pieces,

by memory as glue.

expectation had held them high

against the sunlight of the future, 

shinning down in rays of going forward.

aghast at the clumsiness of now in passing,

as a waitress of our dreams, 

dropped the whole trey of arrival

on the floor of what happened.

and those servings of expectations

became a heap of glop, 

of dismayed and scattered mayhem. 

nothing was outright redeemable.

reorder was the only thought-form option.

but looking down on the moment,

was deep thought rewarding.

to see the fallacy of futures

lying there predisposed.

for without the redemption of personal utility,

is seeing into the mirror of the future

and realizing, 

by the time the visual feedback gets to my eyes,

my expectations are really the face

of someone else posing as the arrival of me.

not a bad lesson,

as if to benefit from a mess decoded into meaning.

but the question inwardly still remains.

how far can I get ahead of myself

and still be present going forward? . . .