the seize of happiness

using experience as a means for permission

still subscribes to self proving one's worth.

maybe unseen and possibly self unsaid

but still functions as a driver for doing,

creating evidence for experience 

as memory to conger. 

the whole of that internalize conversation

captures a false sense of identity

from source to actual presentation.

sure, no one questions or scrutinizes the projection.

others have their positions of pro or con,

but privately held, 

unless there are topics for venting.

each of us are as bulletin-boards 

for the rest of us ongoing,

since we can't address directly, 

how we all work it out.

most of it stalls in the unconscious

but is energetically true, 

yet lodged out of reach 

and so we ride the bus of busyness, 

the pursuit of lip-service claims,

not dishonestly, 

but yet not with depth of courage.

we aren't free to be as much as proclaimed by doing.

we take in small micro-rewards of sentiment 

and frame-breaking bits of private emerging joy.

and parlay those into the vast array 

of consuming busyness, 

as distant glimmers of happiness, 

sighted as reward.

yet to discover, 

that happiness is not merited. 

happiness is not a reward-based surmise. 

the experience of happiness is not happiness,

but the resulting experience of happiness posted.

experience wants in on the self, 

as if the arm that holds the frame for the selfie view.

like happiness has a posed look to it,

that overrides the genuineness of the original feel.

happiness is not experienced based

as self-conscious experience was lead to believe.

happiness is a consciousness from within.

self-consciousness is in the takeover mode.

discernment knows of the difference

as the source of being from the presentation to living.

we would like experience 

to grasp the source of being,

but we are many dysfunctional skills used

away from that quality of clarity.

there are those who are self-generative 

beyond their apparent means.

but most of us 

are mildly displaced from natural happiness.

we know of it,

but less likely source-fully are.

oh such a pronounced conundrum to be chasing.

as happiness is the carrot 

and experience, as the concept 

of being duly rewarded . . .