had I but known

had I but known

the nature of mental conditioning

the residence of conclusions made

the status of those positions maintained

the care-taking needed to be into belief

with such a sense of personage involved

there I was 

emotionally invested in outright claims

with attempts at self identity at stake

wanting memory to hold my hands in comfort

wanting experience to confirm 

so much a need for continuity self-requested

inner dialogue amiss 

the self problem with personage

the rendering of it all as problematic

need for some persuasion towards self-worth

the gaming of reality as a context

do conclusions actually work?

how does need self formulate? 

how to learn the work of expectation as art

to lean into circumstance as if a palate of desire

to witness mind-fullness as separate from

asking myself what has know done for me lately

needing a deeper source point for consciously being

is there a language base for that?

is this all about a mental construction?

and I am to apply emotional presence to this?

am I but a stream subject to gravity's pull

to appear to be all liquid to the task

surface, yes, there appears to be flow

but below, there is an ongoing rub, deep down

I have a feel that does not register as thought

a fulcrum of being, not a measure of worth

a source-point of radiance as broadcast out me

thought has seemed to have taken a waitress job

yet I am an artist of heart and a palate of being

had I but known

the limitations of understanding's efforts

the drudge-work of conclusions' daily life

the apparel of selfdom and its projective means

what use of the mind that is cause-worthy

that emotional intelligence would reign as supreme . . .