nothing always applies 1/10/20

I have trained my entire life

for this very next moment

and nothing applies.

in all honesty, 

nothing has always applied.

I have brought so much of everything 

to this moment

but only as baggage. 

no excuses, no declarations, 

no orientations, or no permissions

have lead me to this moment 

with any leverage to live it.

I have signage surrounding me.

I have the momentum of conditions imploring me,

and the tethering of skills, 

wanting to apply.

I have doorways of entry 

and entries that linger,

with lingerings that crowd

with perspectives holding points of view.

even realization over-stays itself.

now is crowded with thoughts imposing, 

dressed up in appropriate language.

all of this 

is made up of the assuming demands 

and the ponderings of incessancy 

that nothing ever offers. 

can’t think it for conclusion sake.

can’t feel it for evidence’s approval.

experience itself, is such a bystander.

I am without the essential skills 

for nothing needed.

I even expressed to myself 

that I have nothing.

yet nothing has that quality of embrace 

for the immersive adventure 

into the integrative of all . . .