The first person of experience * 3/7/14

The first person of experience greets the ever-happening as the sensory delivery service provides a conveyor belt that is constantly forthcoming. My audience seat seems hard to ever leave. Yet this is the back end of the ever-eloquent lightning quick experience process. The cutting edge has less input and more presence without attention given to it. The front edge becomes the ‘taken for granted’ part of experience progression. All of the subtle habits of intake, sensory awareness attending, the general ongoing bodily experience is as a given, without a command sense demanding unless the feature is some sort of pain or bodily irregularities. Little attention occurs to the broadcast of being as the shine or vitality, the aura or emanation of being goes on as primarily reports received from others. This first person experience is always happening to me right now without edges. But I want to take myself closer to the now of me. I want to be full sensory, no audience. Sure, I have a reality bottom line, the inkling of physicality, attending to the apprehension of what and how to sense, when what I really want to experience is not the feedback but the currency of self and then self as emanation. I am not going anywhere but being. And I don’t know how to go there from anytime before. Sure, I have a sense of act, action and accomplishment, the whole me as eloquentbut this is not the first born of experience. This is the fully cultivated, cognized, interpreted, equivalent version of me. It is the novelty of cultivated experience. I do not want any recognition lights turned on, no wakeup call to all of my sensory range. I don’t want my attention to somehow invite a sensory account. I want the experience in its initiatory stage. More like a newborn after the birthing trauma has settled down. You know, the way that babies beam away, self-contained without all the interrupts and other human interventions. At that time, nothing they do is self-demanded. Sure they are invited to have a fix on something outside this self-place and their senses are alerted to the incoming. Somewhere like there is where the first person of experience initially happens. I know it is there within me also. It is somewhere within that it is there. I am not sure what to take with me and what to let go of to get there. It is a journey going nowhere. “I am to travel light”. But who of me is to hear that remark, interpret and respond?