Sometimes
in their light romantic conversation, this inward response ripenes towards an
expression of strength. It would appear for him, spontaneous, picking her up
into his arms, together, spinning round and round, bounding with unnamed zeal,
comforting her deeply. There were, of course, other times being consumed with
agony over his unconquerable separateness. Dancing proved to lighten his
journey, make
buoyant her impenetrable private world. Always, there is a growing in his heart, far
beyond how he had known, far
beyond his sense to love, even of himself. As
always a suddenness of enormous pain, setting him off, recognized as an
overwhelming yearning for her, held as a need, yet to completely surrender to
her. For
in some unknown way, his spirit had to come to life through her, in one pure
consuming selfless passage. Out
of this involuntary pain came the yearning, and from this yearning, a consuming
surrender. Only
then to find himself, fallen back into
his separate experience. This
time, he sadly finds an unspeaking transfixed part of him that he is unable to fully
realize. In
the past, this inward weeping from
his heartfelt expanse, rewarded him with
a deeper sense of being and love. Today's
feelings leave him with no recourse but to be this awareness, to somehow
embrace himself from
beyond its meaning and receive his un-earnable own self-love, without internal
extremes, without paradoxes transfixed or shudders of reaction shared with her.
Immersed in this awareness, he hears her spirit say from within to within, "you
are now like a child, growing so fast that your bones hurt, especially this
bone of your newborn heart that now beats the drum of you. Grip for yourself,
this bone of the heart and
drum yourself up, drum yourself up" . . .
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