loneliness

 

time spent in loneliness, 

creates its own drowning pool, 

treading apprehensions, 

until fatigue registers itself.

the preoccupation with lonely 

is it own demise.

lonely in a crowd 

makes itself less evident,

but not less real in my eyes.

queuing on others 

is no substitute for my self-presence.

others as fulfilling in that light, 

are only a distraction of worth.

if I am just audience 

without self-residence intact, 

then I am my own gatekeeper. 

but where is my garden?

at least I can discern 

these attributes in others,

that I persist in claiming,

that I am missing but in need.

opposites-attract is a long way 

around the self-mountain.

like-attracts-like is just too direct 

of a self approach.

I would more easily dumb-down 

than radically face-up.

bonding out of need 

seems to be my calling,

but eventually it is very tacky 

and laborious with up-keep deeds.

my loneliness is an inward calling, 

but yet discreet listening under the blare.

is this self-love with acute hearing?

don't want to be deaf to myself.

loneliness is a soft knock 

on my self-acceptance door . . .